Visitor!

One of my tiniest friends has come to stay with me for New Year! V. exciting. Yes.
I am going to call her Agent Slim and not only as an incentive for me to lose weight after my recent, distressing trip to the vets where I was told that I have gained a little* extra poundage over the last few months.
No, the name Agent Slim (AS for short) is appropriate for many reasons:

• AS is a graduate of the Training School for Sleuth Hounds and makes an honest living digging up clues
• AS can disappear in seconds leaving no trace
• AS can pretend to be a cat (absolute genius, I tell you)
• AS can also be a proper pain in the AS, if you get my meaning and as evidence I will shortly post a photo of Loggy Loggerson who no longer has the power of squeak after parts of him were brutally chewed off during an early visit by AS

Anyhoo, AS is here for the purposes of...I'm not really sure, TBH. I'll have to go and find out. I hope it's something like retrieving Park Tugger which, you'll be pleased to learn, was not dropped by some careless eejit in the North Sea over Christmas!
I had a massive snowball fight with ST & FP on Christmas Day - it was my present to them after they failed to bring me into any shops this year. Partly I was not taken shopping because of extensive building work which has seen the store I intended to buy their present from move across the road but also, I suspect, because last year I peed next to the leads and collars display. In my defence, it was a GOOD display and I wanted to let the staff know my thoughts.
More later.
*I may be heavier than ever before but this is because ST keeps stopping to talk to people whilst I am on my walks. And perhaps I had fatty parents, has anyone considered this? Hmm? Honestly dogs, if your owners tell you that you are going to the vets for a booster, don't believe a word of it! And did anyone check that those scales weren't still showing the reading for an earlier heavy pooch, eh? Perhaps the scales were busted? Anyone check that?

Some photos

Whilst people are enjoying fireworks, this is what happens to me. I have to go and hide in the tightest corner I can find. Or the bath.
This is me deciding what to write on my blog:

FP helps me sometimes. Other times, when she's studying, I do this:

FP thinks I'm cute.

Injury Prone @leehancock

more to follow...
Follow; geddit? I'm so good at linking things.
Anyhoo, despite being banned from the fireworks in the park, we still ended up picking up the charred remains of sparkler sticks this morning - 2 days after the whole whizz-banging shooting match. That is to say, the sparklers were banned, not me and my mate Tom.
Tom is a greyhound with 2 poorly paws at the moment. After a moron was put in charge of a mowing machine a couple of months ago (we'll call him Mowing Moron, or MM) Tom's been off running like a loony because of a badly cut front paw. Next time, MM, pick up the glass bottles don't just chop them into smaller pieces, m'kay!

Stop it!

I'm feeling very worried and awful. There are all sorts of banging noises, whistles, screaming & shrieking whizzing noises going on outside.
ST & FP are doing their best but I still need to find somewhere good to hide.

In love

There's this guy (and by that I mean a human not a retriever). I really like him! I wonder how secure his bath would be against fireworks???

Great help

If you could see me now you would think that I am laying on my back in the bathroom. In fact I am coaching FP through the process of unpacking a bag which has lain neglected since last Thursday (although since we arrived home late, I'll be generous and say Friday).
I had a difficult night last night as there were fireworks being let off until late into the evening. At one point I thought we'd all be fine if we crawled under the bed but I'm not as thin as I was and the bed could have collapsed at any moment. Plus, ST & FP flatly refused to join me so I returned to the safe haven that is the shower. Then I moved to the bath. Sigh.

Rabbits boxed and ready to go!

This week I discovered that I no longer have to chase rabbits about the steep hillsides of Doune Castle (unless I want to). No. I can simply visit Pets At Home, where they have a stash of rabbits in cages just idling right next to the leads, collars and harnesses and FOOD aisles.
For variety they also have guinea pigs.
I did so much running up and down steep slopes that I developed some stiffness in me hips. Ohhh, I was sore. But I'm not one to complain, so I went about my business as usual; keeping the squirrels on their sharp little claws and adding to my now extensive smells database. All the while I was keeping tabs on some new friends I made. I particularly wanted to mention a new noodle hound called Cleo. She lives with Auntie Catherine (AC) and I think she probably has a lot of fun - she certainly has some tasty treats! Cleo knows someone who blogs
In the park this morning I noticed that people have stopped taking any notice of me when I bark. I cannot decide whether this is a good thing...

Worth it

I have a small cut from where I chased rabbits in a field earlier. It's fine; the chase was worth it.
I am currently asleep on the floor. Sometimes I wake up and join in the conversation. But mostly I am very happy.

Signed photos!

NunuThunder (I am now referring to myself in the 3rd person) has decided to keep a stash of signed photos for my fans to take with them after they have visited me.
Having spent a great deal of time practising my smile, I have reached a level of poise and beauty rivalled only by Lassie (who wasn't a bitch, ever). Having gone to all this trouble I cut along sharpish to a photo booth and had some pics taken with my new brilliant grin. I've made them all extra valuable by adding my signature and YOU can have one if you can answer me this question:
What's it all about?
In other news, FP has made some big decisions but she's not letting on what they are.
ST nearly lost a glove the other week. Nearly, but not quite since we found it where he left it. Phew!
FP took me out walking and I managed to scare the bejesus out of some lib-dem canvassers, which just goes to show!
Actually, that's about as involved as I like to get with politics. I mean to say, if they are THAT jumpy when all I'm doing is walking along the street then what would they be like if I revealed the plans I have for taking power? It all goes back to the squirrels and their awful threat against us all. Squirrels. Will I never have peace from the squirrels?
And finally, have you heard Bryan Adams' song about being his friend? I have (about 16 billion times by now) and I think it is about a dog. Why? Well, it's about someone who's been a friend to him and dogs are just about the best friends anyone can ever have. Wonder if it's a collie? If your dog is a collie then not only do you have a friend, but you also have a keeper of all treats and treat cupboards, play-maker and Guardian-Protector against the squirrel threat.

Look Bryan, take your helmet off

Today after some excellent squirrel action in the park I had to chase Bryan down the pathway. I would like everyone (EVERYONE) to note that I am not a fan of crash helmets. Or fluorescent vests.
Also I don't much care for Ugg boots.

Lori

FP has been telling about a wonderful person called Lori. During the day both Lori & FP toil to bring culture and learning opportunities to ungrateful f***wits (or teenagers). More than once FP has arrived home (sometimes just as a fox is running up the road - coincidence?) and told me all about how hiding in Lori's book shop has kept her sane. I think to myself: "Where does Lori hide?". Then I remind FP that her real job is to feed me.

I'm sitting at the top of the stairs

From here I can make sure that I'm covering each step in muddy paw prints. I love rain. But not thunder.

Paella v Fishy-Fish

Paella (bleeping hell - pardon me I just got some extraordinary news) was served last night and this morning I get Fishy-Fish.
I saw the paella; it had crab claws, scallops, prawns (big'uns), mussels AND chicken. My Fishy-Fish was mush in a bowl. Very disappointing. Not a crab claw in sight. I pretended I was ill & pulled a long face at my bowl, did a runny poo in the park and really worried ST by not devouring my jumbone when we arrived home from walkies. Later on I heard him on the phone to FP saying I hadn't eaten my food. Like magic, FP finally cracked open that tin of tuna she's been holding back and all was well with the world again! I mean, okay, a tin of tuna is NOT crab claws & scallops but it's better than a poke in the butt with a plastic throwing arm.

Today is World Rabies Day

Hurray! Rabies is 100% avoidable, don't you know. You can avoid it by various means and I'd have to say that top of the list would be looking after dogs better. Remember people, opposable thumbs mean you are in charge.
Here's a link if you are interested in reading more. Goodness, there's also a whole website (I am not making this up!)

Just so that you know, @infobunny will be celebrating by biting people. If you are bitten by @infobunny today and later contract rabies you could probably write in to the WRD website and get your picture taken.

Bonsoir!

Tonight we have had fun with @The_Librain & @leehancock & @ijclark!
Whilst today I was driven mad by Scout chasing away the squirrels. It is Friday tomorrow people!

Velouria

I love Velouria and have it on repeat play.

Ohhh, that hurts

I've hurt my leg so I'm having to type with one paw. Never easy at the best of times with 2 paws I'm finding this intensely annoying. I think I've pulled something and may have to ease up on chasing off the puppies this week in the park (but all the rest of you must not take advantage of my predicament - I will still be barking at you all).
FP's fine. It wasn't swine flu she had though I made sure by sitting with her all through Friday after she was sent home from work and then the parts of Saturday that she spent on the sofa. I like to sit on the sofa.
I've been reading about Marcus Trescothick and think we should check out his website (when it is finished - hurry up). Cricket is very amusing, especially when you are on enforced bed/sofa rest with a pulled something in your leg. I could be struggling for fitness for a few months here and I am concerned about losing my place in the organised fight against the Squirrel Army.
I have noticed that the recent brutal treatment of the trees in my park has meant that there are way fewer squirrels gathering up nuts. This means that FP & ST have been picking up conkers and are now planning a tournament. They don't even have hard hats!
I might even have sustained my injury by trying to make a sharp turn in an area littered with acorns. The slo-mo footage would show me picking up speed only to have to change direction in short measure. As I turn I unwittingly twist my ankle on an acorn which the camera zooms in on. Bang! I've pulled something and it is all because the bloody squirrels failed to pick up the acorns.
Part of today's walk was spent in the maze. ST tried to cheat by peering over the tops of the hedges but we still went wrong.

Me time

I've taken the opportunity to spend some time at the PC whilst FP's sleeping off some swine flu (possibly, its unconfirmed). Found a link to this from a book shop site and thought it was kind of fun. No idea about the stories being any good though...

7,000-10,000 AND the Squirrels

Today I could not walk in the park and you know why? I'll tell you why...GIRL GUIDES! Thousands of them, as far as the eye could see.
I had to walk otherwheres* and it was not as good. It was okay, just not like my parky-park.
The squirrels have played a blinder this weekend and ensured that 7,000-10,000 girl guides means no dog shall play with them (or stalk, chase, hunt whatever). The biggest threat the squirrels will face this weekend is being taken home and dressed in pink for cute photos that will end up on the Internet.
On the other hand I have had other duties protecting the perimeter from invasion by People I Don't Know. Here are some pictures of me in action (I'm at my terrifying best):

I'm watching you...

I'm watching you with my bright eyes.
*the interesting thing about spell-checker with this word is that 'Motherwell' is offered as an alternative. Strange, huh?

Stopping the squirrels

In order to prevent squirrels enjoying time in and/or stealing your underwear from your washing line you should always (ALWAYS) hang knickers and pants by the crotch.
Imagine your underwear is an isosceles triangle: you want the pointy end to be the bit you hang over the line and peg.
Underwear hung with the crotch downwards is just waiting for a squirrel to come along and make themselves at home in. It is barely any effort for them to manipulate the peg arrangement so that they can climb into your pants and have a snooze, saved from falling by the seat of your pants!
This is not madness. It is a simple way to stop squirrels using your pants as a hammock and if they cannot test out your undies for comfort, they cannot be tempted to steal them from the line and move them into their nests (which, by the way, are in your attic).

Heh heh heh

I'm laughing because ST & FP bought the wrong sized dentastix. They got the really massive ones so I am currently enjoying more (MORE) dentastix than usual. Score!

Dear Princess Leia

FP came home this evening & told me that you have been seriously unwell. She also said that you have been on anti-biotics. Did you know this, Princess? If you didn't it means your family have been hiding tablets in your food. Always check your food! If I suspect I am being given a tablet I like to route about in my bowl until I find it, then I spit it out on the floor after sucking it clean of all food traces. If I do this enough times FP will crack open a tin of tuna to hide the tablet in. I love the tuna and promptly eat everything in sight, then I lick the floor, just in case of spillage.
I hope you are feeling better Princess. FP has also told me that a guinea pig called Pookie might be contacting me soon. I hope so. I'm not entirely sure what a guinea pig is but this one's name in full is Pookie the Wonderpig, so it must be pretty impressive. Fit to meet royalty even and help to make you feel better.
Get that Dad of yours to walk you in a different park so you can sample some new smells. Change is as good as a rest.

Early yawn

Yawn. Up early this morning. Yawn. Went outside. Yawn. Then went straight back to bed. Yawwwn. FP was also up (she opened the door for me) but she didn't go straight back to bed and muttered something about me being a traitor for doing so but I was asleep before I could care too much. Zzzzzzzz.

A Deal

ST has opened negotiations with me over the whole ratting me out to FP thing. He says he won't tell FP the things I do if I don't do them.
Now, call me picky, but this somehow amounts to me becoming a saint which is tough.
I've told him I'll think about it.

200 & I'm getting serious about pond life

So, the other day I went in the pond in the park. It's a smelly pond and other dogs have emerged from its depths with eye infections and poorly stomachs. I emerged stinking like a swamp-thing.
In the past when this has happened (usually by complete accident) I have been put in the bath immediately on returning to base camp (or home for the non-military amongst you), and my post-walk jumbone has been delayed.
However, on this day ST did not subject me to the walk of shame straight into the bath. He dutifully delivered my jumbone from the cupboard and got on with his day. Even though I ate my jumbone I knew that I was in Trouble.
Sure enough when FP arrived home she conducted a sniff test after ST ratted me out. Honestly she hadn't even made it through the front door before he started spilling the beans!
Without so much as a by your leave, FP had me in the bath and hosed down WITH COLD WATER! Brrrr...
Now I don't seem to mind cold water when its pond water but putting me in the bath with my delicately scented/deeply uncool shampoo and using cold water just underlines how much I should not be jumping in the pond! No matter how hot the day, or how many other dogs are leading the way. No.
I am a collie and should set a better example. Yes.

JingerbreadGirl!

See? Clever collie!

What can your human do?

On the radio (5live, no less) they are asking "what can your pet do?" because there are mutant cats aping dogs apparently (just get a dog people!).
So I'd like to turn the tables and ask: "what can your human do?"
Toughie, eh?
My own humans, ST & FP, are super talented. Both can throw Tugger a reasonable distance & neither seem bothered about having to fetch it themselves either. I like those traits - fitness & pliability. Yes.

Happy little Noodle

Lallalllallalllalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal! Everybody join in: lalalalalallalllalallllaaaaaaalallalalalalalllal...
I love singing and more dogs should sing. Yes.

No cookies in the library

When the Cookie Monster went to the library
FP tells me that sometimes it can be hard to explain about food in the library.

This is Simon

Simon is lost and his family need him back. Read this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/8143103.stm
I worry about dogs who get separated from their families. I worry if I lose sight of ST & FP for even a few seconds. If I'm chasing a fox it takes me longer to get worried, but I always do.
I've had to be in the downstairs loo a lot recently owing to the weather. I have started checking the Met Office long range forecasts so that I can stock up on snacks in both the downstairs loo and the bathroom but, TBH, it doesn't suit any of us for me to spend so much time in these areas.
I've got loads to catch up on and Big Fat Squirrel is going nuts (geddit?) in the back gardens. Definitely needs putting back in his box.

Quiver

Thank G for wi-fi. I'm in the downstairs loo & plan to remain here until the weather stops fighting with itself. ST & FP are acting like everything's normal but I KNOW there's bad stuff happening in the sky. Woe, I am so despair!
Last weekend I was in Scotland checking out some woods and Doune castle. If you've ever watched The Holy Grail, Doune Castle is where the French taunt Arthur & his knights. Anyway, there were no knights there when I was last Saturday but plenty of dopey rabbits. And steep slopes which kind of wore me out so that I had to have a dip in the river to cool off afterwards. It's pretty fast flowing though so I'd say if any of you wanted a splash about, you'd need to be careful about where you went in. I met some deer in the woods & between them, the squirrels & a couple of foxes it was a jolly old long weekend for Nunu!
ST's been having some trouble with something called a wheel-locking nut. Now, I suspect this is something to do with a new squirrel threat & it's meant that the car has disappeared. I need the car back as the replacement is rubbish. There're no windows in the back so I can't do 'dog-with-head-out-of-window' & the breaks are shockingly abrupt. Along with the actual thunder, I'd say the car situation is the thing causing me the most trouble right now in life.
You might also notice that I've posted a presentation about information literacy. Second Life might be the only way any of you will ever get to enjoy a pension, so I suggest you all go off & create at lest 2 avatars to earn you some extra money against a long old age.

Information literacy in Second Life

Check out this SlideShare Presentation:

Information literacy in Second Life

View more presentations from sheilawebber.

Rabbits

I've found a place where there are loads of rabbits and they're all a bit dozy. Just this morning we had some great chases up and down slopes, into fields and luckily there was a river nearby for me to cool off my paws. Haven't run so madly in ages!
I think FP might be part St Bernard as she managed to find me even when I hadn't told her where I was and (AND) she pulled a thorn out of my eye-lid. ST probably isn't a ST Bernard although he does enjoy a brandy every now and then.

Gosh it's hot

I've come indoors to get out of the heat. Lots of dogs really suffer in hot weather, we sit there panting with our eyes nearly closed and sometimes humans think we're enjoying ourselves. Luckily for me FP & ST always make me come inside the house to lay in the shade. They keep my water bowl topped up with fresh water too; I always drink more on hot days.
I haven't been posting much recently but that doesn't mean I haven't been busy! There's been loads going on up by the fence in the back garden. Since the foxes left that chicken carcass there a few weeks ago I've been keeping a special watch. The Staffy who lives in the next garden over has been digging a large tunnel on the quiet which is being used by some foxes to smuggle food about the area without it ever coming into my garden. What with that & the fact that ST ripped out most of a hedge my landscape is changing significantly. I'm remaking my maps of the area regularly using some open source software FP downloaded for me, plotting new places I can use to bury jumbones for a future shortage, as well as being there to rescue the ones at risk of being discovered. I'm only doing what ST seems to have realised is a good thing since he's buried a load of garlic & some potatoes against the future too.
In the park people have been remarking that I am quieter these days. That's because nearly all the puddles have dried up & the heat makes barking a premium effort for me. I can't just go about barking at everyone we meet! Also there's more to walking in the park these days than just keeping to the established route. We have to avoid all the runners taking part in various events too & I've lost count of the number of our regular owners who've been found wrapped up in that tape they use to demarcate the track for the athletes!
I'm off to have some more water. Always keep water bowls topped up!

Never let it be said that...

...I don't respond to my loyal readers! Because I do! Loyalty is important in packs which is why oh, never mind I was going to make a comment about the Bath Rugby team but life's too short.

Anyway, I've added a search function to this blog which means you can seek and retrieve all your favourites sayings, musings and general nonsense.

Did I say nonsense? Clearly I meant pearls of wisdom.

Right here right now

I'm being talked about! I can hear them. I was sitting on my windowsill and then I could feel my earls burning!
Oh I can't get rid of italics - how did that happen? Loggin' out!
BTW, hi JB! Ohhh look I'm cured. This is odd. Off back to windowsill as life is simpler there.

A game of tactics

I think Leggy Leggerson has been cheating at chess. I don't know that much about chess (yet) and, TBH, it was a surprise when one of my toys suggested that we play a board game rather than just remaining mute whilst I try and pull its arms and legs off; I wonder if Leggy's feeling vulnerable?
Anyway, I agreed to play chess despite not really knowing what chess was and hoping it was a snack. Turns out there are some bite-size pieces involved but none of them are edible (I checked because 'pawn' could have been 'prawn' and I love the seafood!). Leggy swiftly set up the board whilst I had a quick read of the Instructions. I went first, advancing a Not-Prawn forward a bit. Next thing I know Leggy's claiming victory and demanding that he be left alone in a comfy chair for the afternoon! I sloped off with the instruction book.
Next day, same thing happened. I tracked Leggy Leggerson down to a little used area of the living room where he appeared to be concealed under a table mat (why?). He spluttered with shock at being uncovered and again suggested that we play chess. But moments later he was claiming victory and wanting to be left in peace in an unspecified location.
I returned to the rules and scoured them for hints as to how I could be losing so rapidly. Is Leggy a Grand Master in disguise? What event could have driven a Grand Master to disguise himself as a 6-legged toy? I don't know but I'm thinking that Leggy is beating me because he's got more legs than I have and if we could play my preferred game of 'Pull The Legs Off The Toy', I feel sure we'd be more equal at the chess board.

Train to..

FP & I walked ST to the train station earlier. Just as the doors began to close I whined and moaned a bit, hoping that ST would change his mind & stay with us in the garden this afternoon. Sadly the train pulled away with ST still on board & FP's just got through explaining to me that the only way I will always have food in my cupboard is if I don't make a fuss about something called Work which is how they make Money.
All seems a bit odd to me. I Work crazy hours guarding the perimeter, locating lost watches and such but no-one's ever given me Money. Unless that's the technical name for Snacks? Is it?

Lost & Found

Being a collie I am intensely interested in keeping things neat and tidy (except for my bed which I like to mess up after a grooming session). I feel better about the world when I know where things are, see and this explains why I never actually retrieve Tugger when ST throws it in the park but I do always check out where it has landed and make a careful note, sometimes mark the spot with pee. This is what dogs do.
Here are some things on the lost & found list this week which are causing me some distress:

• FP's watch is still 'missing', even though I know where it is. This means that FP has no clue what time it is and is beginning to impact on my Snack Schedule (the importance of which is clear to you all, I'm sure)
• A chicken carcass which I distinctly remember being dropped by a pesky fox under the buddleia at the top of the garden is also missing. I have suspicion that this was removed from the garden by ST & FP and am watching them for clues as to its present whereabouts
• My Argentina rugby ball. Haven't seen it in ages
• My metal fine-toothed comb is FOUND! This is good because the way that feels working out the knots in my coat is awesome and is largely the reason I have to tear up my bed post-grooming.

I'm going back to watching the garden now from my window sill. ST is shifting about downstairs and may lead me to the chicken carcass at any moment...

Daisy Doodle!

I was so excited waiting for FP to come home this evening as a package arrived for me (ME!) this morning and I badly needed someone with opposable thumbs to help me open it.
I did my usual thing with Postie (attacking the letter box, barking like a maniac) and then imagine my surprise when it turned out that the biggest piece of mail was for me (ME!)! I've never had post before (my Kennel Club stuff doesn't count because it's Official).
I paced about all day checking the time on FP's watch which she lost the weekend before last and I haven't let on that I know where it is yet (tee-hee). Tick, tick, tick. Time went by so slowly and there was my package waiting to be opened...
I have to say that I was tempted a couple of times to exercise my keen collie brain and just open it myself but I was discovered by Motwoozle. I think I may have fooled him into thinking it was pure coincidence that I happened to have my package in my bed but who knows if he really believed me.
Eventually it was time to watch from the front windows to see if FP was coming along the road and SHE WAS! I ran barking to the door and jumped around. Once she was in I led her straight to the package and communicated using my collie ears and some more barking that it was very IMPORTANT that the package was opened quickly! I'd been waiting all day!!
I was amazed by the number of legs on what was in the package but when I heard the first squeaks I just knew I had yet another awesome toy! I am the luckiest collie in the WHOLE WORLD!
Thanks Daisy for thinking of me and I look forward to being able to play with you and my new best toy very soon - I'm going to call it Leggy Leggerson. Tugging games are best for me, what's your favourite?

A round-up

Ahhh, round-ups! Just the thing for a collie.
Here's a photograph of me wearing my 'walker':

This is the one lent to ST by a kindly dog-walker in the park after the blue bandage the vet had put on me 'fell off'. Even though I am looking very hang-dog in this photo, the walker is in fact very comfy and I don't mind it at all. I was pulling a long face because I thought I could get a bonio out of FP.

So, Leicester Tigers won the final and are champions of England! I don't mind this for the following reasons:

• Tigers are not like the cats that live nearby (Oscar, I mean you)
• Even though London Irish have a dog as their mascot, they have a Catt at fly-half

I hope the Tigers win the Heineken Cup too!

Today my walk was very disrupted by, like, 4000 minis. It's the annual weekend of appalling weather which marks the London to Brighton drive-by of practically every mini in England & I'd just like to point out that if you bring a deck chair & barbecue with you to celebrate there being SOOOOOO many minis in the world, don't leave them behind once you set off for bloody Brighton! My lovely park looks like a municipal tip with rubbish all over the place. Being responsible park users means we clean up after ourselves and it would be nice if others - especially those who use the park very VERY occasionally - could spare a thought for the damage they cause by being careless of the mess they leave behind. You know who you are!

I'm working quite hard during the evenings keeping foxes off ST's potato plants which are growing nicely. Also keeping an eye on the garlics. Mmmmmmm garlic.

Right, now I noticed earlier that ST was changing pillow cases so I'm off to lie on the new ones to make sure that no-one forgets that I own this place...

TG for the weekend

My paw is much better, thank you very much but I am still making the most of the sympathy vote and am blogging from a comfortable bed on a Saturday morning.
ST has taken the precaution of ordering some walkers (neat little shoe things with velcro fastenings) for me in case I hurt my leg again and I quite like them - better than that blue bandage thing the vet put on me. It 'fell' off (honest) pretty quickly but not before I had been spotted by other dogs in the park. Embarrassing.
I have to listen to some harp music today, choose some tracks for later in the summer when I am to be entertained by a harpist, if you please! That's much posher than anything Princess Leia gets up to!
Actually I have an important job to do today: FP must (repeat MUST) do some writing and by this evening I am hoping to be proof reading a report about marketing. It's not technically something I know that much about but I do enjoy the Alexander Orlov adverts on TV so I know what to look for in a good campaign. BTW, did you know that Alexander has a Facebook page? He's really looking forward to the Eurovision Song Contest this evening.

I'm hit!

Look you might have to go on without me for a bit; I've injured my paw and am having to take things easy. FP's been at me with the Salty Solution so that I don't lick my injured stop pad too much but I couldn't resist so she bandaged me up. I swiftly got rid of the tape she used to secure the first bandage so she tied the next one with a knot which I also worked out quickly but I was discovered by ST and the bandage was re-tied. It's a more complex knot than before but I have all night.
I haven't blogged in ages! Difficult to type with this bandage on though so just a short one. Trip to vets planned for the morning - woe!

The last custard cream & some treachery

FP challenged me. She said she didn't think that I would be able to hear her rustling the packet of custard creams if I was standing in the back garden. I suppose some of you already suspect the ending to this...FP ate the last custard cream whilst I was standing outside by the plot ST used to plant some potatoes. I looked up at the study window to see if she was rustling the packet and there she was munching away!
Rather spitefully I then peed on the spuds - she KNOWS I love custard creams!

More footage - geddit? FOOT-age...Never mind

I kept vigilant, sniffing the air in Trafalgar Square for Deano's feet. How was I to know that 50 squillion marathon runners in sweaty trainers would be too much for 1 collie? I couldn't find him by sniff alone but I did get pooed on by a pigeon. If you ask me Trafalgar Sq is not the place to hang out when one wants to impress good looking dogs in the park later. Mind you, I could add that the way people walk after running a marathon is really not the way to attract admirers! It's like their ankles have stopped working.

I could write loads waiting for this footage to load...Hmmm, now I can't think of anything to say. Wait! I've been walking in A Different Place for the last few days and...look at that, would you! The moment I start on what could have been a really long tail (geddit?) of me romping through brambles & ditches after foxes the upload finishes! Typical. Well, I suppose I could keep my fox hunting (whoops! I DON'T hunt foxes - honest) story for another time. But it's been nice to get back on the PC after FP's been hogging it for ages. Oh look! The image is there now; it's just a short clip of me sniffing for Deano. Enjoy!

Marathon 09 footage! Deano does it again!

I took my camera with me to meet FP's brother Deano at the finish of the 2009 Flora London Marathon.
There were so many people around that I felt like I had run 26 and a bit miles! So many scents (mostly, I have to say, of sweat and feet when we got to the finish muster point!) but not all were unpleasant and it's certainly added a lot to my scents database. I shall be pee-mailing all other dogs with these database up-dates over the next few weeks.
Deano had had several adventures getting about Londres (as I like to call our fair home city, since I am a dog of many languages) but luckily he had no trouble at all finding his way along the Marathon course in 4hrs, 32mins & 30secs. I'd have done it quicker but I am not (NOT) mad enough to spend a hot Sunday in this way. Prefer my usual walk, in fact! Deano ran the Marathon for Children with Leukaemia & this is a link to his fundraising page:
https://www.bmycharity.com/V2/event.aspx?e=00cf96d2-43f8-4bed-bce4-53f188127b72

BTW, if you're viewing this in Firefox you may need to up-date your Flash player (annoyingly).

Failed tomato crop

I don't know how to break it to FP that her tomato crop is looking REALLY bad. There are a few little shoots but I think she should have used proper soil and not that stuff that had been in the garden next to the greenhouse. Hmmm, have to think about it carefully.
Running Man is here. He's staying until after he's run a long way apparently. He's also my passport into Greenwich Park on Sunday so that I can check my pee-mails from years ago.

FP

FP has had a tough week so this evening when Kong Wubba (The Ancient) was FINALLY revealed as nothing more than a blue rubber ball wrapped in some tough cloth I spent some quality time* with her just in case she couldn't hold it together.
Ah, Kong Wubba (The Ancient); a true toy. One of the best. One I'll never forget.
Actually I had some pretty good sport with my 'new' blue rubber ball, if I'm honest, and there's some extra sport to be had from the remains of Kong Wubba (The Ancient) because the smaller ball is still wrapped in the blue cloth. It's basically the same as the small Kong Wubba ST fetched all the way from Scotland for me months ago! I haven't lost a toy so much as GAINED 1 1/2 toys! Bonus!
Oh, now saying bonus has made me think of Bonios and now I've noticed that it's 9pm and therefore time for a Dentastix. Mmmmm, dentastix....
But I have to tell you before I go that I walked with like a thousand other dogs in the park today and was good. Yes, good. Not barky and standoffish.

This weekend I shall be mostly...

...watching a local celebrity run the Marathon! Whooo! Exciting.
I met a Jack Russell in Greenwich Park once, years ago, but nonetheless it seems we'll be back there this coming weekend & I shall sniff out any pee-mails which have been left for me since I was last there.
FP tells me that it is just as well that we dogs leave distinctive pee-mails as lots of humans wee against trees, lampposts, fences etc before the start of the Marathon. Urgh. Last time FP & ST were there, 4 women dressed as Cornish pasties used their extensive costumes to hide their having a pee before they started running. I shall never (NEVER) eat pasty again.
It seems that Marathon Running-Man (MRM) has been appearing on a local radio show in the run up to the Marathon & he's been asked to sign his sweaty vest post run for it to be won by some lucky punter. Again, I'm kind of thinking urgh but it's for a good cause. MRM's running for Children with Leukaemia and you can sponsor him @

www.bmycharity.com/simondean007

Go on!

Better than tempting Fate...

...by prodding him in the backside with a red hot pitchfork.
We were ambling through one of the quieter areas of the park this morning when ST came out with that saying about Fate and a pitchfork. FP & I shared one of those raised eyebrow moments where we each know exactly what the other is thinking. I can also confirm that the raised eyebrows were partly because neither of was listening to what ST was talking about before he mentioned Fate & the pitchfork, which is a lesson to us both to pay more attention in the future if this is where his thoughts are leading these days.
FP disrupted my evening yesterday by cleaning up the study. This can mean only one thing: she's about to start hitting the books again. Which can only mean one thing: snacks! The funny thing about humans (or FP at least) is how snacking helps concentration. Whereas I find that if there's a snack within 2 metres of me, I cannot focus on anything else!
BTW, I'm over my thunder nervousness & no longer have to hang out in the bathroom (where I am safe). Weather conditions play havoc with my plans & several important errands are now behind schedule. In other news, there are many foxes about in the garden & the squirrels are again in league with the cats. Oscar, the white cat invader from earlier posts, has reappeared on the doorstep meowing in an attempt to lure FP over to the Other Side.

Gibbering wreck

That thunder yesterday really freaked me out! I had to hide in the study stress panting all evening and was barky this morning in the park too. You might well point out that it was one (1) rumble and some way off but what about the pressure, eh?

Out to lunch

Today my walk was shrouded in mist but we still noticed that a female owner walked straight past her dog's poo, without picking it up. Can you imagine what that poor dog's garden looks like? All covered in mess that his owner doesn't bother to remove. Yuk. That's the trouble with some owners; they selfishly leave their dog's waste for others to tread in in the park or on the garden so that their poor dog has to be really careful when checking the perimeter for intruders. This type of dog-owner is horrible and you shouldn't ever be nice to them.

Snort

I have learned how to snort in a way that gets ST into trouble. All dogs can snort, though few deploy the snort in a timely fashion designed to re-start a stalled walk in the park. I am thinking of including a chapter on snorting in my forthcoming book "Being A Proper Dog", by Barky Barkyson (that's my official writing name, BTW).
So, what happens is that ST, bless him, often pauses and strikes up conversations with other dog walkers in the park causing distress and annoyance to me. I've been racking my brains for a while now, trying to come up with a way to get him moving again and the other day I hit on it quite by chance. ST stopped to talk to another owner and I got bored, wandered a little way off and started sniffing. I don't know what it was I sniffed but it was so awful that I had to snort to get it out of my nose! Because it is difficult to spell what a snort actually sounds like, I will simply write 'snort' in the following re-enactment of the scene:
ST: "Morning, how're you?"
Other Owner (OO): "Good, you?"
ST: "Ah, not too bad. Nice weather again."
OO: "Yes, it's meant to be nice all week and then worse next."
ST: "Well, we need a bit of rain for the garden. We're planting seeds, hoping to grow our own again."
OO: "Really how's that going?"
ST: "It's fine, fine. We'll see how it goes."
OO: "I'm going shopping later. Might buy a new pair of these wellies. Wrong time of year for wellies, mind, but I really like these...
SNORT!
OO: "What?"
ST: "Hmmm?"
OO: "I thought you said something."
ST: "No, no. Nothing."

OO moved on giving ST a bit of a look and I knew then the power of a snort. Yes.

Timber wee-ed on my head

That's the last time I try to be nice to him! We went out for a surprise turn around the park yesterday and met Timber with his owner who I think is called TelephoneGuy. Usual dog practice is to update one another by pee-mail, Timber went first and I thought he'd finished so I started downloading the message and he started up again, peeing on my head as he did! Typical male.
Male dogs sometimes have tried to take possession of ST & FP by peeing on them even though I am right there and clearly the rightful owner of these two humans. I guess not all dogs have the manners collies are blessed with.
On the positive side, the park was full of squirrels yesterday so I got some decent stalking and chasing. Of course it does mean that their forces are gathering and we have to be on guard for the squirrel invasion.

Title here

Met Bella in the park today; it was nice to see her. She's been running with her owner recently so she doesn't get the same sniff-ercise as she used to in the Days Before Jogging. I described all the scents I have been picking up over the last few days & I'll have some exciting tit-bits to pass on tomorrow as FP, ST & I took a turn around the block this evening.
FP was wondering if Sara was still reading this blog earlier. Get in touch if you are! FP misses you in the library.
The better weather means I can return to my old ways of tearing through the house and straight out into the garden, only briefly pausing to make certain that ST has noticed that I might need to have a snack when I come back in. It's tiring making sure that the perimeter is safe from all the Usual Suspects (cats, squirrels, foxes, squirrels, squirrels).

Update

I've done my best to right the clocks but some are too high up. I guess they'll be right eventually.
We've been playing with file conversions and the e-reader. Basically it's a learning curve we're still on.
FP told me that I have eaten all the pig's ears now so it's back to bonios (gravy bones, jumbones & whatever chocolate I find on the shelf).
I ate about a third of a bar of caramel chocolate yesterday & it didn't sit well in my tummy. Felt queasy.
Well, I'm off back to the grindstone to see if I can work out how to get PDFs readable on the e-reader.

Something's not right

None of the clocks in the house tell the correct time...

Smashing

People,
It is not, repeat NOT, cool to throw bottles off the steps in the park so that they smash all over the terrace path. NOT COOL.
I am cool.
Yesterday I saw 7 collies being all nicely trained and obedient in the park and I thought to myself how lucky I am that the most FP & ST ever ask of me is a paw wave every now and then. I also think that if we ever got a motorbike and sidecar I would raise my paw at all the pedestrians. I'd have a specially made helmet on which had Collie Ear Attachments and a strap to go under my chin. I might have goggles. I suppose this would mean that it took longer to get ready to go out but my in-car singing would reach a wider audience.

A Boy & His Pie – from a Dog’s Perspective

Most dogs are severely tested when it comes to young children and their propensity to hold food at mouth level. Some owners train their dogs to resist temptation by sending them to Boot Camp, monasteries in China or Dog Borstal then they show off about their dog's achievement in the Internet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp_WV91jx8E

Good on you Stains.

Real family pets though learn to take advantage of situation on an ad hoc basis. Recently I came across this story of a boy, his pie and a lab-whippet cross who we'll call Honey:

Honey was on her way past this young boy sitting on a comfy chair holding a Mr Kipling apple pie in his hand. He was laughing at something and paying little attention to the pie. Honey (the old pro) stopped in her tracks and here we can see her making a careful appraisal of the situation, including key details like wrappings, how tightly the pie is being held and just how distracted the boy is.

Here we can see how Honey fixed the pie with all her attention without once alerting the boy that he was about to lose out on his snack - why, he's still laughing!

Seizing the moment she knew would come and never once taking her eyes from the prize, Honey waited until whatever the boy was laughing at became so funny he had to throw back his head and close his eyes...

Here we can see how this story ended! Even the boy's Mother is looking on in admiration of Honey's dedication to the pie and the boy is not bothered either. Just look at Honey - she's eating that pie almost upside down and that's labs for you!

Take your rubbish home!

We all remember the great fun we all had when it snowed, right? Even I had a laugh:

"Catch Tugger!"

"Tugger all covered in snow"

Yes, everything was lovely. But now I'm finding that the fun had consequences.

The slope in the park where people were tobogganing is still littered with tatty bin liners, bits of broken plastic and even lumps of what seems to be old kitchen work-top, which might have seemed like the ideal sledge at the time but which is now just killing the grass where it lies waiting for whichever nitwit brought it into the park to realise that it DOESN'T belong there.

I know you're thinking it should all have been cleaned up long ago and I agree; it should. But none of this junk should have been left in the first place. I don't leave my poo on the ground for people to tread in and neither do most of the other dogs I know in the park, so do us a favour, people and return the compliment.

I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it

FP's lost her voice so she's having real trouble stopping me from chewing up her lunch box. She looks cross and everything but I'm pretending I don't get it, laying it on thick with the collie ears and tilting my head to the side. I look adorable but she didn't train me to understand hand gestures alone! It's a technical point but I'm exploiting it because the other thing is that if she tries to pull the lunch box out of my mouth, I'm going to interpret that as play. Giggle, this is hilarious!

Alanis again

I'm in the study having a lie down whilst listening to Alanis Morissette.

I've earned this relaxation by being tested to the limit today. Honestly, if you all knew even half of what I put up with in a 'normal' day...

When I first moved to London (I'm from the Midlands but my accent is almost gone now) I used to go nearly crazy trying to keep order everywhere I went because order is what collies do. For more information on what collies do see this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw

Alright, so it was collies and some mad people but could it have happened without the collies, eh? No.

Point is that I used to round up joggers, cyclists and people who weren't going in the same direction as me when I first came to London and FP discovered that I had some issues with living amongst lots of people as opposed to lots of fields like when we were in the Midlands.

We worked on my issues and now, as you all know, I just bark at things I cannot control. In my heart I am herding all these variables into a circle. In reality I'm just making sh**-loads of noise.

Then, this evening, I was out in the garden waiting for FP to come home and blow me but didn't a fox amble by looking all like "I own all this"!? Cheek! I was so surprised I forgot to bark loudly and made this pathetic little 'Wuff' sound. Not enough to put the fear into Mr Fox as I would have wished but enough to alert him to my Presence, at which point he dashed away. Casual as you like he was up to that point then gone in a second, off into someone's back garden for a night of making that dreadful racket with his friends.

Or, and this is the horrible part, maybe FP was with the fox all day and the reason he showed up when she did is because she prefers hanging out with foxes and not me!

You see now why I need Alanis, don't you?

Tripe

I was growing anxious, pacing about the front room and waiting for FP to come home. It had been another stressful day with Motwoozle and Daisy'sDad in situ; I couldn't leave them unsupervised for a single minute.

I was tired, upset and if I could have rung my paws I would have! Where was FP?

This morning in the park I knew there was a fox nearby but do you think I could get through the brambles to reach him? No, I couldn't. I ended up with a thorn in my head and that's pretty much how it was all day. Woe.

Then, outside in the street, I heard the jangling of keys. FP was nearly home and I ran to the door. Footsteps, more jangling and then...the door opened and there she was!

I barked with happiness! FP was home and then I caught scent of something wondrous. What was it? I'd never smelt anything like it before and then FP was placing her bag on the floor beside me and I had to stop barking or she wouldn't undo the zip (although, you know, it wouldn't have taken my collie mind long to overcome that obstacle!).

I humoured FP and ST and stopped barking and oh! The reward was great! A tripe stick. Another snack to add to my list of favorites! Thank you Princess Leia and Mr Dixon! Thank you all!

Steve Claridge

Dear Mrs. Photon,

I have considered Steve Claridge (carefully) and as I was doing so I turned on the radio. Maybe it was fate, maybe not but there he was speaking to me! I looked him up on a soccer site:

http://www.soccerbase.com/players_details.sd?playerid=1469

These are my thoughts:

• SC half laughs whilst commenting and this re-assures me that he really does know what he's talking about because the laugh lets me know it's obvious
• he reacts to what the lead commentator has just said which proves he's listening and sometimes that's more than I can claim (!)
• he's never yet (to my knowledge) openly criticised Alan Green for being one of the most miserable people on radio
• he's loyal - as evidenced by the fact that he has played for several teams TWICE.

Steve Claridge - respect to you.

I've had a nerve-jangling day (except for the moments during which I was thinking about SC). Daisy'sDad was going crazy earlier and I had to stay close to ST in case he needed protecting. I was all strung out and looking forward to when FP arrived home but she still hasn't done the decent thing and fetched a pig's ear out of the cupboard for me. I shall fix her with a special berry eyes glare and anticipate being ensconced with a snack of at least some description v. soon.

Jumbone tree

I sneaked out earlier and buried half a jumbone in the garden. I'd say in about 3-4 weeks I'll see the first shoots on my snack tree. Prime location in the garden too, just next to where I tried to hide the hurdle FP deluded herself into thinking she could train me to jump about 2 years ago. Do I look like a horse?

I wasn't feeling great this morning and had to leave my breakfast until got home from my walk. I was starving by the time we met Spike and he kept asking if I was okay, although I could have been hallucinating as,of course, Spike is a dog and cannot he talk.

More love needed!

Spread the love NunuThunder...

I'm writing this post whilst listening to Colonel Abrahams singing "Trapped", a very great indeed 80s track from the 1980s which cropped up between 1980 and 1989. Yes. I'm nodding my head and my ears are at full collie extension. One of my hind legs is jiggling - such a good song!

Anyhoo, here I was mooching along earlier when I noticed something crawling across the floor towards me. As many decent and upstanding dogs will testify this is a situation which requires immediate action: whatever the crawling thing is, intervention is necessary.

Thus I have eaten something unpleasant. Blee. It was probably a spider but it could have been a fly.

Either way, despite the fact that I had only done what nature requires me to do, it didn't make me feel good. I could have gone against nature and not intervened with the thing crawling across the floor but I am a reliable Nunu and voila. (Ah, french...)

And this is a bit like life. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't feel good and even feels like treading in poo, as I wrote in my last post. I'll tell you what though, people, doing the right thing will always feel good in the end. Yes.

To quote the great Colonel:

"Oh, oh I'm trapped,

Like a fool locked in a cage

I can't get out - you see I'm trapped" etc. Awesome.

As you were.

Mr Dixon

I'm giving out lots of empathy, sniff the breeze.

Some days there's just loads of poo around and when you've as many legs as I have it is inevitable that you will tread in some. Sometimes it's really messy poo and sometimes it's dry, chalky stuff and you think "Phew! That's lucky", because it is all relative, you see: dry poo is better than sloppy poo, even though both stink and you'd rather not tread in either.

And that's a bit like life. People can sometimes remind me of poo, especially teenaged people:

• they can smell bad, or not so bad
• they can leave you thinking that you'd cheerfully never set eyes on them again, or "Phew"
• they will always be there, just like poo

I know that this is probably no replacement for the offer of bubble-wrap to jump on but perhaps my little nugget of wisdom delivered straight from the heart will bring a little smile to your face?

With best wishes for a better day etc.

NunuThunder

Rain check

Hmmm, looks like my Special Puddle will be only sparingly refilled over the week ahead. I love my Special Puddle; it is shaped like a really big foot (a foot about 4 meters long, in fact) and it's on some grass so there are lovely boggy environs. I always drop Tugger in my Special Puddle and we laugh together - me, FP & ST - as one of them has to go in and get Tugger back. I tell them: "This is why you have wellies!" and I think they understand.

When I'm in my Special Puddle I dig up the muddy water to make sure that my belly is completely covered. This is how I ensure that FP knows I been kipping on the bed (muddy paw prints, dust everywhere) during the day whilst she was off doing whatever she finds more interesting clearly than spending every waking minute tending to me. I have fur to be brushed, a snack schedule to keep and there's always barking to be done! It's sometimes more than a little dog can manage on her own! Sigh.

Now that the evenings are drawing out I think I might take watercolour painting.

Extra

ST has asked me to point out that scented poo bags have the very serious consequence of making his coat pocket stink worse than poo. In his opinion that is but quite a few ladies follow him about the park and chat him up. Partly this is why I bark vigorously at their dogs; I am FP's eyes and ears at all times.

Scented poo bags

Yes, that's right; scented poo bags.

Why?

Especially for you

It is Lent, so I'm told. Personally I think giving up stuff proves you can do without it, so why should you have it at all? I don't need a pig's ear but it does me good and then I can go forth in the world and do good for/to others. Yes; I am a very willing collie always letting people know the best way of doing things (including walking along a straight path in the park or driving the car).

My profound thoughts this morning are provoked by the plight of Princess Leia's Dad, Mr Dixon. He's changed his photo on Twitter to a very serious one. I think he should go nuts today and drink as much whiskey as he can manage, eat as much chocolate as there is available because youp'pve;; earnt ;/// it.

Ooops. I made a few spelling errors there but then I have no thumbs and this is what happens when I don't look at the keyboard. I have especially muddy paws this morning and I'm getting a bit anxious that we're not going to the park as soon as I'd like to - all the squirrel action will be over for the day!

NunuThunder - the mini series

I have just the BEST idea for getting the economy going again (single-handedly, I tell you!):

• NunuThunder Goes About (working title)

Yes.

Now, I've literally only just thought of this so there's much to be planned yet but for a start I could be trailed by a discreet team of camera(wo)men* on a 'regular' walk in the park. Avid (industry reference, did you spot that?) readers will know that I am heavily involved with protecting London from the Squirrel Army and my alacrity (OMG! I cannot be stopped!) in reporting back to the Leggy Dalmatian is often all that stands between you, me and the oblivion that would follow a successful takeover by the bushy-tailed critters. Yes.

I think only highly skilled camera operators could do this kind of work because anything less than total professionalism would blow my cover and then I'd have to, you know, go barking mad (you see, I'm hilarious too!).

What else? Ah, now this is where we could make some decent commercial cash on the project because I am a Connoisseur of snacks. We could try all sorts of snacks in EVERY episode and who wouldn't pay for that kind of coverage?

The whole thing has legs (4, in fact) and I think the right team would make light works (I'm on fire!) of the pilot in no time.

My availability is detailed off to the side somewhere on this blog, look, over there...I have to keep snack times as 'me time', is all I would stipulate. Alright? Lovely.

*BBC trained people welcome as I can 'do' PC (or not).

Strike a pose

Yesterday after being frantically busy I realised that I am not properly appreciated. No.

So I went on strike and made my picket line at the top of the stairs.

I chose this location very carefully:

• I fit exactly in the gap between the banister and the wall
• I could get to my feet at any moment and send anyone stepping over me flying, so the jeopardy is great - only I know when it will happen
• All my needs can be met whilst at the top of the stairs (I can smell cheese/ham/pigs ears in the kitchen, I can bark at anyone approaching the front garden, I can make sure ST doesn't sneak out, I can mob anyone being allowed in etc)
• The positioning of the lights in the hall make my eyes glow, giving me a certain je ne sais quoi (oh yes, I speak French!)

But mostly I have to admit it was the getting-in-the-way thing that swung it for the top of the stairs, otherwise I'd have gone and lain where I normally do and watched the garden and slept whilst being on strike.

My terms and conditions were met, BTW. ST & FP have agreed to keep better time when fetching my snacks and to stop spending so much time dicking about on weekend mornings so that we reach the park before all the greyhounds have cleared the squirrel areas.

150

Well so here's my 150th post. My typing skills have improved hugely since I've been blogging and never underestimate how tricky it is to type when one has paws! Humans don't, IMO, give enough thanks for thumbs.

We were late getting to the park this morning owing to the Super 14 season having started. My Saturday mornings seem now to be delayed by FP having to watch southern hemisphere teams exercise impressive skills learnt from an early age apparently at the expense of a vast number of sheep, bulls and kangaroos. If you ask me there's something not quite right in all this taking advantage of animals who were just going about their business in an innocent fashion when suddenly an aspiring prop forward tackles from behind. I mean honestly.

Site of interest

Try this for some diversion from the usual routine:

http://blog.dogster.com/

I'd like to thank my understudy, Sonny, for posting this whilst I am in the park barking at people, dogs, squirrels, you know whatever (because sometimes it's trees that make me lose it). I sent the link by text during one of the few moments I could spare for not barking.

More later, possibly after the France game - rugby on a Friday evening? Madness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB4HvVEMFig

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB4HvVEMFig

This made me laugh earlier. I laughed until I realised that Motwoozle and Daisy'sDad were here at which point I made haste to prove to them that fox doot smells amazing. Disappointingly they seemed not to agree which just goes to show that they are both crazy people.

Right now I am in the study waving my legs in the air and listening to Alan Green not so much commentating on the Liverpool game as moaning and complaining THE WHOLE GAME. Why, if he is that good at calling the shots, does he not do us all a favour and go off and be a manager himself. The most useless and boring commentator of all time. Rubbish. A total loser.

But look! It's gone 9pm and who's meant to be getting my dentastix? Honestly, where's FP? If I don't keep on top of things here I could be skin and bones in mere days. I work so hard....

FP! FP, where are you?

Not clock watching

Somehow I know that it is 25 minutes until Dentastix time. I have always known this. Mmmm, Dentastix...

I've added some more blogs to this page. I read them and ponder on the information during quiet times sitting watching the garden from my window ledge. One day I might write a book...

Disruption

I think I would make a good 7 in rugby. FP often likens me to a 'leggy lock forward', but I am much more like an annoying 7.

Take this morning for example. FP & ST have got up early to watch the Crusaders play the Brumbies and I am getting in the way by standing across FP's lap and doing my special look (droopy eyelids) which means I am enjoying being tickled on my legs as I stand there. I am enjoying it but I'm also IN THE WAY but FP loves me so she can't deny me this pleasure.

I am also staring at ST so that he has to look at me, at which point I move in and do my 'vulnerable little dog' expression (a bit sad but adorable big eyes). I follow this up with a snuggle which sees me tucked neatly into ST's chest and, again, because he loves me so much he cannot shift me out of the way.

Both of these manoeuvres obscure about a quarter of the TV screen.

When I grow bored of the above I lie on the rug and give them both berry eyes, then I want to go out. Maybe I need a wee, maybe I don't. Can they take the risk of making me wait until half time? Well, no they can't because I might tell other owners in the park about this cruelty and they will be shunned.

So you see, I am much more 7-like than 4 or 5 because I am both lovable and intensely annoying when others are trying to do something else. I'm staring at FP right now and she's not sure why...I love this! Crusaders have a really ugly front row BTW.

I'm getting a littl bit bored of this!

ST & FP are busy I understand, but take me with you next time!

Tugger Flinging as an Olympic event:

• Much skill is involved in flinging a Tugger - for example, if you get your fingers caught in the handle it can seriously affect how far it goes and in what direction
• Speed is key to distance flung
• One's planting foot is very important because if you slip, it's all over
• Height is a factor (unless you are standing on a small hill)

Yes, as you can see from the few points I have included above, there is a case to made for Tugger Flinging and I would like everyone to participate in a petition to Lord Coe. Yes.

What a day!

I've been very worried about FP all day as she disappeared off and only recently returned. Someone's been putting make up on her! Am deeply suspicious as have not spotted Sister-of-FP in neighbourhood but who else would do this to her? I'm on the case and will report findings if remember.

I've been giving it some thought...

...and I really think that sports games shouldn't be decided by penalties. Instead selected players from the tied teams must race lurchers across a boggy field. Any that make to the other side (I mean the other side of the field, not Heaven BTW) get to race again. Basically it would be last player/lurcher standing and if that means that dogs claim some of the most priceless silverware in sporting history, then so be it.

My thoughts on the 6N so far:

1. Not Goode, not Goode at all
2. Not Hodgson either, please but Flood with Geraty on the bench. Yes
3. Where are all the English 2nd rows? And don't say Simon Shaw for the love of God
4. Nick Easter should never be criticised; I love that guy
5. FP and I agree that Ireland will win because we cannot think Wales will retain the title.

Am very impressed by the eagle-eyed cameras all around the pitches being filmed by Sky Sports but I hate, hate, hate the BBC for getting so many player's names wrong and being useless with the exception of Brian Moore. Yes.

Messages from Royalty!

I am a lucky dog but mostly I am a bit knacjered* because of today's Puddlelympics in the park. I'm like the best puddle-jumper in the northern hemisphere!

I am particularly enjoying pigs ears at present. They don't look great but they taste super and I think you're all missing out on something, yes.

We noted this with pleasure a little earlier in our pre-posting surf:

http://leia-dixon.blogspot.com/2009/02/lmns-birthday.html

I have given FP some improving reading to attend to whilst I have bit of a snooze on the landing this evening. Hopefully it will mean that she is distracted during feeding time later and I will add haggis to my day's menu! Mmmmm, sheeps' gizzards.

*spelling altered to accommodate younger readers (TinyPhotons!)