Bimble

Been that kind of day - walk was fine, had a snooze, nicked some ham of the unsuspecting and careless at lunch, had another snooze, you know, that kind of thing.
Did have to motor at top speed through house at one point and had a nasty moment when I realised that the kitchen door was closed. Closed eyes and hoped for best...Luckily it pushed open! Phew.
Spotted that FP had visited the vets which means that I shall have to investigate all meals closely for worming tabs. I like to play that game where she thinks I've eaten it no problem but then at the last moment I spit it back out on the floor. This is a good way of getting tinned tuna added to daily snacks. I always take the medicine in the end, I mean to say, who on earth wants worms?!

Ooops!

Scooching about in the park earlier today I noticed that there are quite a lot of dogs who are forced marched by their jogging owners. This means that they do not ever get the chance to sniff and so they miss the many wondrous scents available for more leisured dogs, like me. For instance, today I rolled (twice) in some recently mown grass which was extremely satisfying not only because it made me smell good but it was also cooling.
Later FP & ST were discussing my habit of digging in the water fountain. My reasons are:

• cools down my paws
• spreads a puddle
• makes people think I'm cute (not quite sure why but enjoy the attention)
• gives remaining water a grittier texture

Disappointingly there was only one squirrel in the park today, in fact they've been thin on the ground all week long. Hoping for better this coming week as have new theory about how they decide about running along fences...

Trellis

I didn't dig up the trellis and, TBH, I've given up on the idea of a deathslide - stupid plan.
I have removed the rug from the hall though. At least, I've screwed it up into the tightest little ball I can manage and that was tiring as I had to keep running from the top of the stairs through to the kitchen in order to build up enough speed. If I'd bundled it into the corner by conventional means (that is using my nose) it would have raised suspicions. The rug is now under the shelves with the candles.
Not that anyone took any notice of me much today. I was hanging around a lot as there was chicken and ham on offer for lunch. Sigh.
I'm hoping for a good weekend; not too hot, FP will be in on the walks and ST will want to show off by throwing tugger far. FAR!!

Foxes

They're in the garden again, pooing on the lawn! I've been watching them from my room, then tearing down the stairs and out the door but do you think I've got close? No. No, I have NOT! Nippy critters, foxes and no mistake. Also, cartoon running on the rug in the hall slows me down.
I need some quicker way to get there so I can catch them before they go over the fence. I need a death slide! I could string it from my window to the tree...Yesss! Oh, hang on. The trellis is probably in the way; I'll dig it up tomorrow. Plan!
Right, off to bed as I have a busy busy day ahead of me.

What on earth is she doing?

FP's gone nuts. There was some noisy game on the flicker box earlier and the white team's crowd made more noise than the red team's and that means FP is tops, or something like that. I don't know.
Anyway, met Bella in the park this morning. She was off the lead for a change so we tried to hatch a plan to hide in the rhododendrons but then all the other dogs started moving in opposite directions and I had to abandon having fun and round them all up. No time even to work on the squirrels. Personally I blame the owners.
And (AND) I had to spend, like, half the day making sure couriers closed the gate. Can't people read?

Miffed

Right, well I'm a bit miffed, as it goes. I've had to stop playing with FP because I've bitten my tongue and (AND) because ST's making pizzas but with nothing like the right amount of cheese.
How much cheese is the right amount? When I say 'stop!', that's when you've used the right amount. I love cheese. You can never really have enough cheese but I'm not a greedy dog (I am), so I will say stop eventually (I won't).
Sigh. I've decided to take up one end of the sofa and give FP the berry-eyes look she gets when I'm grumpy about something. This is a tried and tested method winning a gravy bone out of her.
Berry-eyes, berry-eyes, berry-eyes...

Too hot already!

It was sooooo hot in the park this morning that I couldn't do much running, which knocks my training on the chicken left-overs thing. I keep looking at the short-haired dogs and thinking they don't know how lucky they are. Plus, if I wasn't so fluffy FP couldn't call me 'Fluffy Noodle', I wouldn't get the dreadlock belly after puddle-jumping (with added soggy mud digging!) and grooming wouldn't take so long. Sigh.
I managed to get an extra bonio this afternoon by sitting in the sun and panting. To entice me into the shade, FP offered me a bonio. I thought about burying it in the garden but the shrubs have all gone a bit crazy and I might not be able to find it.
ST must have recorded me singing in the car and now he's listening through these funny extra ears at his BigMachine - at least it all sounds like my car singing (high pitched, wailing) but the pictures don't seem to be of me but some really ugly men. I don't know but it keeps him busy for hours at a time and I have (HAVE) to make sure he takes breaks by bringing him my top toy of the moment: Kong Wubba! Excellent mouthful for a dog of my size, double squeaker mechanism and a decent length of tail so that I can yank and pull on the squeaker end whilst either FP or ST make a fuss about keeping hold of the other. Very satisfying.
BTW, you're welcome to make comments about my blog. For instance you might be wondering how I manage to find the time to blog when I'm such a busy dog. An average day for me includes:

• making sure FP sees sad eyes watching her leave in the morning
• making sure ST is properly entertained with dog opera en route to the park
• keeping all (ALL) other dogs in the park moving in the right direction
• managing the squirrel population
• digging out the water fountain to keep the water clean
• reminding ST about the jumbone I require post-walk
• keeping look-out for the pesky pooing foxes (and neighbourhood cats)
• scaring the bejesus out of anyone delivering junk mail (this can be done either by barking like a maniac or appearing suddenly at the window with a wild look in my eyes)
• monitoring carefully the comings and goings in the street
• making sure my evening meal is delivered on time
• watching Murder, She Wrote, Scrubs and My Name Is Earl
• eating a dentastix and then checking the sofa in case any one's dropped some cash or some food

I think you'll agree I'm a very busy dog! Right, I'm off for tis time to round up FP and bring her downstairs for no apparent reason she can fathom. Makes me laugh.

All washed up

I suppose it couldn't last...But I smelt SO good! You guessed it, FP had me under the shower and shampooed before bedtime last night so my lovely foxy perfume is gone. Sigh. It was good while it lasted.
I've done a great deal of running over the weekend, laying the ground work for a scheme which will one day bring me a top prize: the beer can chicken left-overs.
Basically, how it will work is:

• I become super fit through chasing after toys, crows and squirrels in the park
• At the same time as working on becoming super fit I develop a way of separating FP & ST from the left-overs by pretending to have heard something suspicious in another part of the house, or possibly in the garden
• Once they are distracted trying to work out what I'm on about, I nip back and hide the left-overs upstairs in my room
• I should also give some thought to innocent facial expressions (or extreme sleepiness impressions so that I can slope off to munch my way through the chicken in peace).

Hmmm. There is much to do.

Avoidance

I'm managing so far to avoid the bath-time thing. FP has been busy & ST's been off to the shops whilst I've been mooching about in my room, keeping a low profile. Bit boring though...Might try the sofa for a change.

Foxy!

Hurray! The other day (I forget exactly when) I rolled in fox doot whilst ST wasn't looking. Anyway today's rain has finally brought out the wonderful perfume and I smell awesome! Stunning even, although I say it myself; if only there had been more dogs in the park to share it with...Sigh. FP has the look of someone determined enough to carry out the threat of bath-time, so I must try to stay out of her way. I'll be in my room, shifting about every now and then so that I can catch a whiff of my foxy perfume, mmmmmm, it's good stuff.

Delay for the second week running

I can't believe it! Noisy game again, this happened last week. StickThrower (ST) and FoodProvider (FP) are still in bed clothes and making tea! This is not how a walk happens - I shall not sing in the car to punish them. Cross.

Well I had to tear through the house or it would've got away!

Why can't they understand? I mean seriously! There I am trying my best to keep those foxes (and the cats) out of the garden (because they poo on the grass, you know) but stupid StickThrower & FoodProvider keep closing the door! I could have smashed straight through, done myself an injury.
I'm not saying they do it on purpose, however, there are times when the weather is clement enough for the door to be left open. That's all I'm saying.
I've been working on the stalking technique quite a lot over the past year and I've been close to nailing several of those pesky squirrel types recently. Particularly the ones who've yet to fathom that I can partially climb trees. I thought FoodProvider was nuts when she first started getting me to leap up the tree with the house in it, just a bit higher than I can climb at the moment but, hey, I can work work on that. Anyhow, sometimes the squirrels are not up trees and they are nippy but slow in decision making. This has proved fatal when the greyhounds have been around and if I hadn't been so shocked by the one I caught at the foot of a tree, I feel sure I could have um, I don't know really. It's not like they carry much meat and FoodProvider's never mentioned squirrel being in my diet so far. Besides, it's the chase that's the fun bit.
StickThrower likes to have his ear nibbled whilst driving to the park every morning. He also likes - no, he LOVES my singing so I do it all the time. StickThrower's pretty cool although he stops too often and I think he has a soft-spot for that Timber. Honestly. Actually, come to think of it, haven't seen Tim around lately...
Motwoozle was here again today, why? He's a funny one, wears funny shoes and leaves utensils in the wrong place. Mad about cleaning though which does mean that FoodProvider & StickThrower don't have to do it.
Luckily I've managed to find some space on the sofa. Time to go.