150

Well so here's my 150th post. My typing skills have improved hugely since I've been blogging and never underestimate how tricky it is to type when one has paws! Humans don't, IMO, give enough thanks for thumbs.

We were late getting to the park this morning owing to the Super 14 season having started. My Saturday mornings seem now to be delayed by FP having to watch southern hemisphere teams exercise impressive skills learnt from an early age apparently at the expense of a vast number of sheep, bulls and kangaroos. If you ask me there's something not quite right in all this taking advantage of animals who were just going about their business in an innocent fashion when suddenly an aspiring prop forward tackles from behind. I mean honestly.

Site of interest

Try this for some diversion from the usual routine:

http://blog.dogster.com/

I'd like to thank my understudy, Sonny, for posting this whilst I am in the park barking at people, dogs, squirrels, you know whatever (because sometimes it's trees that make me lose it). I sent the link by text during one of the few moments I could spare for not barking.

More later, possibly after the France game - rugby on a Friday evening? Madness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB4HvVEMFig

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB4HvVEMFig

This made me laugh earlier. I laughed until I realised that Motwoozle and Daisy'sDad were here at which point I made haste to prove to them that fox doot smells amazing. Disappointingly they seemed not to agree which just goes to show that they are both crazy people.

Right now I am in the study waving my legs in the air and listening to Alan Green not so much commentating on the Liverpool game as moaning and complaining THE WHOLE GAME. Why, if he is that good at calling the shots, does he not do us all a favour and go off and be a manager himself. The most useless and boring commentator of all time. Rubbish. A total loser.

But look! It's gone 9pm and who's meant to be getting my dentastix? Honestly, where's FP? If I don't keep on top of things here I could be skin and bones in mere days. I work so hard....

FP! FP, where are you?

Not clock watching

Somehow I know that it is 25 minutes until Dentastix time. I have always known this. Mmmm, Dentastix...

I've added some more blogs to this page. I read them and ponder on the information during quiet times sitting watching the garden from my window ledge. One day I might write a book...

Disruption

I think I would make a good 7 in rugby. FP often likens me to a 'leggy lock forward', but I am much more like an annoying 7.

Take this morning for example. FP & ST have got up early to watch the Crusaders play the Brumbies and I am getting in the way by standing across FP's lap and doing my special look (droopy eyelids) which means I am enjoying being tickled on my legs as I stand there. I am enjoying it but I'm also IN THE WAY but FP loves me so she can't deny me this pleasure.

I am also staring at ST so that he has to look at me, at which point I move in and do my 'vulnerable little dog' expression (a bit sad but adorable big eyes). I follow this up with a snuggle which sees me tucked neatly into ST's chest and, again, because he loves me so much he cannot shift me out of the way.

Both of these manoeuvres obscure about a quarter of the TV screen.

When I grow bored of the above I lie on the rug and give them both berry eyes, then I want to go out. Maybe I need a wee, maybe I don't. Can they take the risk of making me wait until half time? Well, no they can't because I might tell other owners in the park about this cruelty and they will be shunned.

So you see, I am much more 7-like than 4 or 5 because I am both lovable and intensely annoying when others are trying to do something else. I'm staring at FP right now and she's not sure why...I love this! Crusaders have a really ugly front row BTW.

I'm getting a littl bit bored of this!

ST & FP are busy I understand, but take me with you next time!

Tugger Flinging as an Olympic event:

• Much skill is involved in flinging a Tugger - for example, if you get your fingers caught in the handle it can seriously affect how far it goes and in what direction
• Speed is key to distance flung
• One's planting foot is very important because if you slip, it's all over
• Height is a factor (unless you are standing on a small hill)

Yes, as you can see from the few points I have included above, there is a case to made for Tugger Flinging and I would like everyone to participate in a petition to Lord Coe. Yes.

What a day!

I've been very worried about FP all day as she disappeared off and only recently returned. Someone's been putting make up on her! Am deeply suspicious as have not spotted Sister-of-FP in neighbourhood but who else would do this to her? I'm on the case and will report findings if remember.

I've been giving it some thought...

...and I really think that sports games shouldn't be decided by penalties. Instead selected players from the tied teams must race lurchers across a boggy field. Any that make to the other side (I mean the other side of the field, not Heaven BTW) get to race again. Basically it would be last player/lurcher standing and if that means that dogs claim some of the most priceless silverware in sporting history, then so be it.

My thoughts on the 6N so far:

1. Not Goode, not Goode at all
2. Not Hodgson either, please but Flood with Geraty on the bench. Yes
3. Where are all the English 2nd rows? And don't say Simon Shaw for the love of God
4. Nick Easter should never be criticised; I love that guy
5. FP and I agree that Ireland will win because we cannot think Wales will retain the title.

Am very impressed by the eagle-eyed cameras all around the pitches being filmed by Sky Sports but I hate, hate, hate the BBC for getting so many player's names wrong and being useless with the exception of Brian Moore. Yes.

Messages from Royalty!

I am a lucky dog but mostly I am a bit knacjered* because of today's Puddlelympics in the park. I'm like the best puddle-jumper in the northern hemisphere!

I am particularly enjoying pigs ears at present. They don't look great but they taste super and I think you're all missing out on something, yes.

We noted this with pleasure a little earlier in our pre-posting surf:

http://leia-dixon.blogspot.com/2009/02/lmns-birthday.html

I have given FP some improving reading to attend to whilst I have bit of a snooze on the landing this evening. Hopefully it will mean that she is distracted during feeding time later and I will add haggis to my day's menu! Mmmmm, sheeps' gizzards.

*spelling altered to accommodate younger readers (TinyPhotons!)

Well, let's see

I'm very busy.

Lurchers

I just remembered that I wanted to say a word or two about lurchers.
Lurchers are fine dogs and much to be admired (except for Paddy who needs to be barked at). I enjoy lurchers for the following reasons:

1. They run fast
2. They don't mind being barked at
3. They run fast
4. They mostly wear coats that look silly but don't let it hold them back
5. They run fast

Yes.

Kittens on a spinning thing

I Skidded about on ice today and wore myself out until I had to go and lie down. I was wise though and lay where I knew I could not be disturbed by any hoovering-type implements. ST, as I have said before, has a very bad obsession with hoovering. And now he's asleep on the sofa. Perhaps I could go through his pockets...

Just a thought on icy puddles; really they are a very great health and safety concern. I think the park rangers should stop smashing up the surface of the lily pond so that the ducks trapped beneath don't die any worse than they have already (!) and instead they should go about making sure that we dogs can run unimpeded across the terraces. I've lost count of the number of times I have nearly pulled a muscle over the past few weeks as one of my many hundreds of legs (I have more legs the faster I move - it's technical and if I explained you wouldn't understand as there's lots of physics involved) has gone off at a different angle than is usual for a high-speed dog of great purpose. Yes.

Oh and another thing, I feel that once they have broken up the puddles, the park rangers should find me some treats to eat. Yes!

15 cannot play at that game

I tried giving the full Berry Eyes for 80 mins but kept being distracted by the England 'team's' lack of play. Such a relief to watch Ireland and France straight afterward or would have had no rugby at all today.

2 can play at that game!

I have made a discovery which has made me very cross.

It seems FP has been going to a place called Work everyday so that she can eat ham and sometimes chicken sandwiches without sharing them with me. This extreme behaviour leaves me no alternative but to reduce the amount of bed and sofa space I allocate FP until she comes to her senses and realises that Sharing Is Good, particularly when I am the one getting the extras. This is not unreasonable.

How did I come by this knowledge you ask? Well, actually I kept finding plastic boxes in FP's bag (which I check each time I find it for security reasons - a squirrel could easily hide inside). These boxes had an interesting scent so I chewed them all up, except for the most recent one I found which I hid in my room after being disturbed with my head in a rucksack. Only FP discovered what I'd done and I overheard her telling ST that it was lucky she'd found it or she'd have had nothing to take her sandwiches to Work in. They both gave a 'Look' but we'll see later on when I give them both plenty of 'Looks' whilst they're trying to watch the rugby! Berry Eyes for 80 mins!

Tweeting Hell!

FP's making funny noises and I've had to wait ages to get her off the PC so that I can post my own v. important opinions here. Honestly.

IMO, the park has become very skiddy and something should be done about it. Yes.

I've seen several of the Usual Suspects skittering about going "Whoa, whoaaa!" and I've noted how they are more than happy to laugh like drains when I slip and slide on an iced-over puddle but when it comes to sheet ice on the pathways - well, you'd imagine that it was all done deliberately! By the dogs!

Dogs don't make pathways slippery, for goodness sake! It's cats and squirrels.

For yes, people, you have it on my good authority that the snow and ice is completely and utterly the fault of these two bands of bandits.

Sigh, I've been banging on about this for so long I grow weary that you'll ever truly understand the threat of cats and squirrels. Nonetheless...

So, by all means get the shovels out and break up the compacted snow but take the long view and realise that ultimately you will have to get rid of the cats and squirrels to ensure that this doesn't happen in another 18 years. Yes.

Live text updates of the cricket

I think we should all follow the text updates here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/7870610.stm
It really is most amusing. Yes.
Other amusing things which have happened today:
Hmmm, been a bit of a quiet one actually. There was the moment when FP discovered yet another of my indiscretions involving a Stupid Little Biscuit and an empty jaffa cake wrapper. It wasn't 'amusing' in the traditional sense of having us all guffawing. Rather I attempted to stop FP getting into the study and she did her best not to topple backwards down the stairs - I should perhaps not jump up at her on the landing.
ST took me back to my usual park and made snow angels.

Back in the warm

Second day of walking in A Different Place. I don't mind it, really. This snow stuff is tiring and once I'm finished here I will be having a long nap on my window sill.
We spotted a squirrel slithering about in a tree. Definitely odd behaviour so have communicated this observation to the Leggy Dalmatian in case it is linked with the possible Squirrel Invasion.
FP attempted to go to work but had to turn back. Luckily ST is managing to struggle on (!).
Yawn, I'm off.

Disappearing 'snowman'

I am reassured that this weather event is not connected to the recent cat invasion of my territory. After all, what cat could possibly bring so much chaos to so many, eh? Dogs could do this but not cats. The neighbours came over for coffee and I was able to check them both out for recent cat activity. No give away scents were detected, so I think they are safe. I'm still keeping watch though as I did hear them mention that foxes have been playing in my garden and we can't have that.

FP got it into her head earlier to build a snowman. It was the most evil looking snowman I ever saw (and I have seen at least 3), it had no arms and I am thankful that it's rather gruesome face is being covered by fresh snow.

White!

I am very worried. The cat interloper from the other evening was a white cat. Today the whole world is white. Now, I'm not one to over-react about anything (usually) but this seems like a really strange coincidence.

Cat invasion! Everybody must be alert!

Unbelievable! That's the only way to describe what happened here last night. We were all sitting on the sofa (I was in the middle, nice and comfy) when suddenly we heard plaintive mewling coming from outside. I ignored it but FP went and looked out the windows, thereby encouraging the fiendish cat who was discovered on the doorstep, pretending to be hungry and cold.

Like a crazy person, FP brought in the cat and so began half hour of chaos! I had to stand my ground against a spitting, paw-swiping BEAST randomly hitting out at me. Then I had to make sure that all our perimeters were secure against further attacks (for all I knew that cat could have been the Advance Party for the Squirrel Army). When I returned to the sofa I found that the cat had occupied the dining table and was being fed milk! Slippery slope or what? I acted quickly, claiming ST as my own by jumping on him and licking his face. He seemed to enjoy that so I did it again, just to make sure. Then there was the more troublesome issue of how I could bring FP safely back to the Pack.

The cat had lured FP to the table area and was keeping her there by pretending to be weak and feeble - typical cat behaviour. Being a collie I am smart enough to realise that I had to act quickly, so I sent some vibes to ST and he started saying things like "We should put it back outside". Bless him (ST, not the cat).

Eventually normality was restored. The cat was placed outside (with some milk) and all subsequent mewling ignored. Phew. All that remained was to re-establish my total claim on FP which I did with more licking.

I can't help reflecting though that if I had still smelt strongly of fox doot this cat invasion would not have been attempted. Of course the reason I no longer smell of fox doot is because I was put in the bath yesterday and the determination that I should be bathed can be traced back to the theft I committed on the chocolate fingers. It's just like the saying goes: crime does not pay.