Potato took so long to cook!

FP decided to have the massive jacket potato for her tea but it took, like, ages to cook! After the first hour (which we thought was a reasonable amount of time), she checked and left it for another 20 minutes. She took the CHEESE out of the fridge about 5 minutes before the timer went off because surely 1 hour and 20 minutes is enough time to cook a JP?

Well, no, it isn't apparently. And there was the cheese, sitting on the counter mere inches from my mouth...Ohhhh, I love cheese!

FP checked again after this crazy potato had been in the oven for 1 hour and 35 minutes (man, she was hungry) and it was finally ready to have the cheese added - WHAT? Cheese added to the potato? Madness! I thought the cheese was for me (ME, who loves cheese!) and there she was dumping it all on the took-ages-to-cook-potato!

I did get some cheese but that potato has a lot to answer for.

Butter wouldn't melt

I was so good on my walk today that it drew comment from other dog-walkers! To be fair, I felt I owed it to FP as she didn't make me walk hundreds of miles but focused on the proper business of my walks by throwing Tugger (and not getting it stuck in a tree!).

Give and take, see? She did what I want, so I did what she wants and just sat quiet whilst she chatted to Mojo's owner. In fact, once I heard what Mojo's Owner was saying about me I perked up my ears because people LOVE a collie with perky ears.

Have to say that I'm not looking forward to tomorrow night. It's Halloween and last year some eejit threw eggs at houses all along the street. Others ignored the signs asking for our gate to be shut - I could run straight into the road and be run over by a car but people take no notice still. I think everyone should be a bit more thoughtful about going trick or treating.

Long Walk today

My paws!
But that's not all...FP's crazy idea to make me walk to the park this morning meant that I couldn't sing without attracting a following like the Pied Piper so I just kept quiet.
Then we went past all those houses where I think a lot of foxes hang around so I had to sniff each and every one very closely.
THEN when we reached the park and I could run about chasing Tugger (new), FP went and threw it in a tree!
THEN I had to guard the tree whilst she jumped up and down trying to free Tugger (new) using sticks, broken off branches, borrowed umbrellas, my lead (which also temporarily became stuck) etc. All to no avail and there's me having to drive away other dogs who thought if they could get Tugger (new) down they could keep it.
Eventually a taller person came along who wielded the broken off branch rather more skillfully than FP did.
I was relieved and set about chasing Tugger (new) like I haven't chased it before. In fact, facing today's walk and possibly the rest of my life without Tugger (new) has changed the way I feel about it and I've decided to leave off including a bracketed 'new' after every mention. I'm sure that my old Tugger will understand as it must by now be somewhere near Norway.
But that's not all!
THEN I had to hang around and wait whilst FP chatted with other dog walkers! For ages! Don't they understand but at all? Dog walkers is what we call them because dog walking is their only task and yet they gather in huddled groups gossiping...Honestly.
Of course the lengthy gossip session meant that I forgot about having to walk home so I went on chasing Tugger with all my new found love for it and it was only when the lead came back out that I realised I didn't have a ride home.
My paws!

Agggghhhhh!

Oh. Well, I appear to have lost ST. I don't know how this keeps happening.
Time to call in the search & rescue collies again - they did a good job of finding FP's voice and even part of Kong Wubba's squeak has returned. Can't have been easy finding that since it doesn't really have a smell. Of course, it won't matter for much longer as after some stressed out close-work I did recently Kong Wubba's stitching is compromised and it could be revealed as just a blue, tennis ball quite soon.

Short-lived

Not long after we all piled back into the car to come home this morning, FP noticed that "someone smells a bit foxy".
All eyes turned to me and then (mercifully) back to the road. It was no good; I knew I was rumbled and before I had the chance even to lay quietly in my bed and make it smell of fox too. Sigh.
It was quite good fun in the bath though. FP was soaked by the time I'd finished and owing to the towering performance I gave of a really sorry dog, I was rewarded with treats - awesome! Plus, I noticed that we used the last of the shampoo(ch), so we won't be having a repeat bath tomorrow as no-one can shop so quickly. Phew, there's a chance that the special pile of fox doot I found this morning will still be there tomorrow...

Chocolate

Today whilst mooching around I thought I'd run one of my regular checks for goodies.
I quickly found the probably two-thirds remaining slab of good quality dark chocolate which FP thought she had put on a high enough shelf and figured that any determined third party would be able to find it and eat it. So, I moved it into my bed, removed and partly chewed the wrapper, then licked the chocolate a couple of times to make it look unappealing - after all, who's going to want to snaffle a bar of chocolate the dog's licked, eh? No-one's that desperate, not even someone who thought to check the dog's bed for such loot.

Just let it happen!

See that top health tip of the day down there, a bit to the left? Yeah, the one FP attached to this blog to help, that's it. It says about being firm with your dog whilst grooming. Well, I can never work out why any dog wouldn't enjoy being brushed. I love it, tend to go all like: 'ohhhhhhhhhhh, yeeee-essssss!'
What I like to do is make my ear fur look a bit ragged by roughing up my bed, turning around looking at FP and then sneezing so that my ears really go huge. Never fails to get her reaching for the brushes. We always start with the ears, then I make a big play of flopping down on the floor and rolling over so FP can do my undercarriage and tail-feathers.
The only bit I'm not keen on is my tail being brushed because my tail always (ALWAYS) has knots in it.

Rugby

At last the rugby is over for the weekend. Whilst the rugby's on FP tends to forget that I like a mid-afternoon bonio.
I was having a look for a friend of mine on the PDSA website but had no luck - no, wait! ST's found the link:
http://www.pdsa.org.uk/managed/pr_media_releases_action.html?id=958
That's Sable on the right. I barked at her this morning because I thought she'd found a squirrel and might need some help dealing with it if it became frisky. Wow, isn't Phyllis great for raising so much for charity!

Planning

There is no doubt that planning is important in any venture you want to go well.
I'm so wise sometimes it's scary.
Other times I'm a bit of an air-head.
Sonny and I were reading one of the tips which we've attached to this blog which was about 'exciting exercise' (16/10/08). Basically this tip suggested that hiding treats under up-turned food bowls was fun for dogs. It isn't fun, it's a stupid idea and here's why:

• there might still be food in the bowl which is invisible to the human eye (this is why many dogs will re-visit a bowl long after it seems to be empty and start licking it)
• often food bowls are heavy, being made from good quality earthenware and are therefore impossible to right without thumbs
• some food bowls are tinny, cheap efforts which are also impossible to right as they move around the floor when pushed with a nose
• other things could be trapped under the up-turned food bowl, like small puppies and children (owners practicing these 'fun exercises' should always be sure to conduct a head-count before and after)
• dogs are perfectly capable of finding fun ways to exercise, for instance, recently I posted a blog on what I do with trash bins whilst ST & FP are not around. That's FUN!
• you wouldn't like it if one of us tipped your larder on its door, would you?

So, I hope you all understand now that between resisting the (well meant) efforts of owners heeding bad advice and the various pursuits we dogs formulate for ourselves using our own brains, you can see how planning would become a key part of our routines. It sometimes looks like we're asleep. Chances are we're planning.

Tut!

I'm exasperated - as you can probably tell! This evening I was 'left to my own devices' but all the handily placed bins had been removed to higher-than-me level, so I couldn't do my usual thing of ripping them out and spreading the contents all over the floors whilst searching through for snack wrappers.
Instead I went to my room and made notes on the squirrel activity. I've been making progress with my stalking technique and somehow the crows have been turned to our side so they leave me alone now and pick on the bushy-tailed critters instead. I don't mind having my quarry swooped on from above - as long as I am no longer attacked from the air, I don't mind.
Crows are quite good fun to chase actually. I like to do a bit of crow-chasing when I first arrive in the park, especially if I've had a long drive. As you know I sing the whole time I'm in the car and music just makes me want to run and jump and bark! Music's great!

Ripper!

Something I like to do when left to my own devices is rip out all the rubbish from a bin. Then, if I'm lucky and because FP (bless her) likes to snack, I like to chew to pieces all the food wrappers I find - it's great fun!
Well, I say fun but later on when my activities are discovered I do have to go all hang-dog and pretend to be sorry for making a mess.
I'm not sorry though! It isn't like I've pooed on the carpet (which, BTW, I've NEVER done)!
I was once caught in the act of scoffing a chocolate orange which was nearly the cause of a poo on the carpet. FP came back unexpectedly because she'd forgotten something and there was I standing with my hind legs on the back of the sofa, still gripping the shelves with my front paws whilst I ate - I couldn't have looked more guilty! I did my best to appear penitent but TBH I was already beginning to feel queasy.
Moral of this story is: stick to ripping up rubbish bins and LEAVE THE SHELVES ALONE!

FP can speak!

Those search & rescue collies are even better than I thought! No sooner had we given them the details of what we'd lost when FP started making little squeaking sounds! Took me a while to realise she was speaking but after a while I let the dolphin part of my brain take over and she began making sense! Plus, Kong Wubba seems to be squeaking more too - now THAT'S a bargain!
I've been supervising a great deal of work in the garden over the last few days which is why I haven't had time to blog much - it's not that nothing's happening, just me being busy, busy, busy! Usual collie stuff; put that there, don't dig here (you'll find my secret stash of jumbones) and moving on by-standers who stopped in the street to watch. Honestly, haven't people got better things to do with their time than interrupt a collie supervising 2 people digging?
Sonny has been visiting his former owners as Sunday's his day off. Means I have to do stuff for myself on Sundays which reminds me how blessed I am to have an Assistant the rest of the week.
Mmmm, I can smell nice things cooking so I'm off to investigate the left-over potential.

Steaks

It was steaks. ST was hammering steaks.

I sent Sonny

Don't panic everyone! Sit down, go about your business as normal. I have sent Sonny (my Assistant!) to find out what all the banging is. All will be well.
As you were.

Not punctured

Sonny and I are foxed! FP isn't punctured but still she's not making the right noises for an owner of her size and experience. I tell you, it is a mystery.
Luckily with 2 collies on the case full time there's bound to be a solution soon. We've asked specialist collies with extensive training in search and rescue to look into the 'missing voice'.
In the meantime, it's rather good having an Assistant. Feel very important - which of course I am anyway - and don't have to leave as many pee-mails as before. Sonny's pp-ing the vital ones...
One thing Sonny isn't yet good at is squirrel stalking. It'll come. This morning was glorious, with a capital GLORY! Weather was great and there were plenty of bushy-tailed critters down at ground level gathering nuts. Think I might take some nuts with me tomorrow...

Sonny - my new Assistant

I decided against forcing my new Assistant to be called Beau-whatsit after Sonny (said new Assistant) came up with a Not Bad Suggestion regarding what's happened to FP's voice.
Sonny's theory is that, like Kong Wubba, some enemy has punctured FP and now she can't make the same kind of noise as she used to.
Inspired.
Now I know exactly what we need to do; puncture repair kit from the local bike shop! We're off there right this moment...

Naughty

I've been naughty. I'm in the dog house (or at least I am keeping to my room).
I'm sorry, okay. Please love me again!

Rain, rain, rain - I love it!

I'm worn out but extremely happy. This morning our walk was conducted in pouring rain which meant there were puddles a-plenty, hardly any other people around and a good game of Towel afterwards.
Puddles are good for 2 main reasons:

1. I can drop Tugger (new) in them
2. I can drink from them

Admittedly both these activities mean I get moaned at from both ST and FP but I can live with that and, besides, FP still has no voice so she couldn't actually order me out the puddles I was drinking. ST still grumbled about not having wellies on when he had to drag a soaked Tugger (new) from the middle of the biggest puddle on the top terrace but I just think he does it for form's sake these days.

Reasons to bark

Barking is a serious thing and for some dogs it's a problem too.

I tend to bark when I'm in the park - there's nothing better than being launched from the back seat and letting the whole world know that "I'm in the park! I'm going to play with Tugger (new) and roll on my back!"

Yes, barking is a way of expressing the joy of just being a collie.

It's also a way of letting certain categories of humans know exactly where they stand:

1. Postmen & couriers: an age-old favourite for cartoonists. They can be barked at safely (in most circumstances) because with a perfectly secure door between 'us' and 'them', no-one's hurt in these exchanges
2. Leaflet droppers: scum, generally, IMO. Useless rubbish scattered all over the floor. These people are a worthless bunch who ignore signage telling them to "beware of dog" & "close the gate" so pretty much deserve everything they get and if that's a good barking at, then c'est la vie!
3. Loiterers: anyone pausing and showing unnecessary interest in the pack's property is always worth barking at to make the point that there are consequences to trespass
4. People in the park (including other dog owners): if they stop ST &/or FP during MY walk, then, yes, I am going to bark. It's MY walk, not yours!
5. Our next door neighbours: I used to live next door to this chap who wore a fluorescent yellow vest. Current neighbours don't do this (TG) but still I just have to pass a comment or two on what they are wearing. I'm not criticising, no. I'm actually rather fond of them and am hoping they will come and spend the evening with us soon. Plus, a while ago I was trying to tell them that there
   was a squirrel in their roof
6. FP’s brother: just because, you know.

Well, those are my categories. Random I’ll grant you but in part it’s a tradition and in part it’s just my way of communicating.