True Fact

I'm right handed pawed.

Helping you

One of the toughest things about this time of year is not knowing what all your presents are. I can help.

For a fee, I will visit your Christmas Tree* and sniff each and every present, telling you exactly which ones contain food and are therefore of interest, and which are just other stuff that you cannot eat.

*I will not pee against your Christmas Tree (unless it is beautifully decorated and I wish to express my pleasure at seeing it)

An early Christmas present for you

This is hilarious.

I needed a laugh today as this morning in the park Tugger was pinched by a dog who is Faster Than Me. To retrieve Tugger I had to see off this Robber Dog's Stroppy Friend and move faster than is strictly wise for a 6 year old with no warm up before hand. I was worn out by all this, I tell you, WORN OUT.

I'm in love

There's this terrier in the park and he's my ideal dog. He's smaller then me, slower than me & has much less stamina. I can dominate him all ways up!

Powdery snow

Today's snow is the powdery stuff that balls up in between my claws - ouch.

In other news, um, well things are pretty quiet. Even my neighbours aren't doing much.

Snow

CHARGE!
Well, ish anyway. I wanted to run about madly in the snow but I was attached to FP via a lead - I wish I was, like, wi-fi enabled in the street, but it is true you couldn't trust me with all the cats tempting me like they do.
Noticed an important difference in snow types: today's type was Wet Snow which didn't ball up in my paws & make me have to stop every few minutes to chew it out. Did you even know there was a type of snow that makes it hard for a dog to run about? Did you???

The power of ask

Asking questions is how we find out stuff and negotiate our way through the world. We all need to feel like we can ask stuff and, in turn, we should do what we can to make others feel that asking us stuff won't win them a swift and damning judgement of an unfavourable nature - asking questions doesn't mean someone is stupid or ignorant, it means they've recognised a need for information. 

I like to do my asking in different ways, depending on who I'm dealing with. For example, if a puppy runs up to me and goes all squirmy and rolling around on the ground under my nose, I ask it to stop confusing me with this submissive behaviour by Barking Loudly. It doesn't always work; recently a puppy jumped on my head and made it difficult to continue barking. 

Other times I ask for treats off humans by sitting in front of them, sucking in my cheeks to make it look like I am starved and waving a paw weakly. This works in most cases.

Quite often I ask all dogs and humans in the park to form up in neat lines and walk in the same direction to satisfy my Collie Need for Order. This NEVER works.

Misleading scents

As I understand it, humans haven't the same facility to sniff out stuff that's buried as dogs do. Too bad. Me, I can pick up a trail and follow it very efficiently thanks to my nose but FP the other day had to dig about on a website in all manner of confusing directions before she found what she was searching for.

The website in question is Too Big. Worse still there are a lot of Dead Ends on it and apparently Unfinished Projects, with no indication of when content might be added or up-dated. 

There are however plenty of e-mail addresses FP can write to in order to ask questions but she told me that if she wanted to spend the rest of her life in fruitless pursuits, she'd resume training me to run through weave poles or jump a hurdle.

I thought that was a bit mean actually, as I did learn to jump the hurdle in the end. I also had to dig the longest hole in dog history to bury that metre long hurdle pole and finally bring that training to an end. However, I can still find it because I can still smell it! It isn't a hyperlink into nothingness or (worse) a long list of Irrelevant Fora! I also check it regularly to ensure no fox has pinched it, so it isn't treated as a task with no finish either.

If you have a website, here's my advice:

1. Make sure you control it, don't let it control you
2. Make sure people finish what they start on it
3. Make sure you build it with the user in mind
4. Make sure you test it on people who aren't part of building it
5. Make sure you get rid of unused parts of it.

Okay, cheers byeee!

Dear FP

You put me in the bath, made me all soapy and lovely smelling but I have rolled in mud now and things are back to normal!

Pahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Love Nunu

ps: my tea is due in 5 minutes - don't be late

Don't give me a list!

I feel like the Internets is following me...

And you remember what I said about it being Firework Night - singular - not Fireworks As & When You Please (inc. very, very late at night, sometimes in the afternoon)? Yes? You do remember? Well, so quit with all the banging and fizzing screamers already!

I'm sick of it! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't really trust that I'm not going to tread on a sparkler spike in the park...It's ruining my life! *woe, general gibbering*

New toy

I am writing this from my newest toy. It has a touch screen, if you please! As one who struggles with a regular keyboard, I am finding this touch screen really quite a breath of fresh air! I have got the hang of switching between a numbers or a letters screen and I'm sure at some point I will grow used to finding the punctuation I require between the two screens as well. Probably get along quite well in time!
On a bit of a downer note, it is Bonfire Night. Note, please the singular 'night', not 'nights'. One night of fireworks is plenty, people.

I am listening to The Killers

Are We Human? they sing and I dance about barking because I am a dog, not a human, but it doesn't matter because FP's dancing too and she is human! Whooo, let's flick the lights on and off!

Not rock & rolling

Rolling in the park this morning = mud in fur = FP grooming me earlier than usual = all blissed out = gonna spend the afternoon listening to jazz.

Unhandled Error

I was saddened to read that our friend Tom had been subject to some saliva which caused beeping. The setter in question was probably swept away by how much fun Tom was being as he ran on*. An ineffectual owner is a curse in situations like this.

Anyway it set me thinking in my special collie way of how humans could all do a bit more thinking sometimes...

*Setters take an awful lot of outrunning, Tom, thumbs up!

Three Irishmen in a vet's waiting room...

...only outnumbered by the idiots cat owners provocatively placing their sickie moggies in front of the stressed out dogs.  

For cat baskets read LUNCH BOXES & why is that not obvious to the cat owning amongst you?

I mean, pardon me for being a dog and all that, but seriously cat owners you are not the only ones in the world and if I'm at the vet's it is NOT because I want to be! It's because I'm sick or injured and being there is STRESSFUL so when you place a cat in a box right there in front of me and it sees me and starts making that unearthly yowling noise, what do you think is going to happen? I'd like to point out that you could have avoided ever having to have gone to the effort of raising your eyebrows and dishing out the hard stares by BOTHERING TO LOOK AROUND YOU AND SEEING THAT THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE AND ANIMALS IN THE WORLD, IT'S NOT JUST YOU AND YOUR VICIOUS, SPITTING CAT EVEN THOUGH YOU'D LOVE IT THAT WAY!

In other news, I enjoyed my walk in the park this morning.

Ouch

That's really all I have to say...

Feeling a bit down?

I gather that times are hard. FP & I sat listening to the radio yesterday as others variously ranted, raved, coaxed & cajoled depending on their 'politics'.

Now, I don't know for sure that 'politics' aren't a bit like fleas (certainly I have seen humans scratching their heads whilst discussing them, which is indicative) but I do know when it's time to offer some good old-fashioned collie advice:

Roll in fox doot. Yes.

Rolling in fox doot lifts the spirit and the effects are long lasting. Let me give you an example, after a really decent roll not so long back I was doing some running. I picked up so much speed at one point that a big gust of fox doot smell washed over me when I slowed and the air about me caught up. It was fantastic *looks off into middle distance, remembering...*

Running up that hill

It's a big steep hill in a wood and I love it *punches air* Get in!

Tell Malcolm I found his key

I had to go to the police station this morning to drop off a key I found whilst out on my walk. By the grace of my immense Collie Power, I was able to learn that it was Malcolm's key (actually I heard FP reading the message on the keyring to ST).

Exciting stuff, huh? I'll bet even Resolver Hound never went to a police station!

Mmmm

Hello (FP's) sandwich. My name is NunuThunder.

Yes Tugger!

Picture the scene: car pulls in, door opens, and I'm launched!

Launched, I tell you! 

I can run, jump, grab Tugger from the air, then look for all the world as if I'm going to bring it back to FP & ST before dropping it half way and running off to supervise other random dogs in the vicinity.

Normal service is resumed!

No Tugger

Yes, no Tugger in the park today as FP & I were unaccompanied by the mightiest 'Tugger Tosser' in the land - ST! 

You can tell why I wanted to qualify the term tosser by keeping Tugger in there, can't you? And this reminds me of something I was reading today about free listing as a research method to help with information retrieval. If I ever catch up with Resolver Hound, I'm planning to question him on the size of his vocabulary because he seems very capable at finding his way around.

You might recall my past post about a collie who had around 340 words and got on TV because it could fetch its toy from the next room. Well, I dare say most collies out there when invited to bring their toy from the next room would probably end up bringing the one they have most fun with (often it's the one which exercises their humans the most!), so I don't think that collie is SOOOO special on this evidence. 

I would however be impressed if that collie had made a list of toys. And more impressed still if it had displayed its preferences for the toys by placing them in a hierarchy - most fun at the top, tooth-snagging rags at the bottom. If it happened that a reasonable number of collies had done this listing, we could then compare lists and derive from the results the ultimate toy for collies*. Then, if collies were also librarians**, they could use this technique to make sure that all the collie catalog users had appropriate keywords to search with so that they could locate the toys on the shelves***. BTW, this catalog would have nothing to do with cats & would be called something along the lines of 'Golden Information Retriever'.

*You couldn't do this with spaniels. I've seen spaniels who were just happy to splash in puddles.

**It could happen.

***Shelves are no obstacle to collies.

The Road to Fitness

Owing to the horrendous cut on my paw I have been confined to base camp, walked on the lead, and prevented from playing energetically with ANY of my toys - until now!

Yays, I'm on the road to full fitness and may even be able to persuade FP to bring Tugger to the park with us tomorrow. The wet weather has not helped me at all; I needed to keep my paw dry in order for the cut to heal.

Bandages on a dog's legs are not easy, covering them with a plastic bag increases the potential to slip and my sockie-boot things tend to twist around and there's a split where the wet can get in and (AND) the leather parts wear out quickly and (AND AND!) they really smell once they get wet!

What I need is for someone to design a protective sockie-boot thing that goes like a harness over my back. A bit like waders with braces. The material needs to be hard-wearing and waterproof. The sockie-boot is okay for dry conditions and light usage mostly on grass but not great in the rain and on paths. I might try and draw a picture of what I mean later...

Healing Hands

I think FP's magic bandaging technique has made a difference! My cut paw is much better and I'm doing my best to help by sleeping on my back most of the day. If you happen upon me whilst I am sleeping on my back, feel free to rub my belly *intense stare*.
In other news I am starting to take an interest in French rugby - no less incomprehensible than the English game at this stage but also less rain. I might suggest that they play the golf there next time!

The Curse of Being an Over-Achiever

As I am ordered by the vet to rest as much as possible I have been spending more time than usual at the computer. 

My Poorly Paw is mending (yays!) but slowly (boos!). I am bandaged by my good nurse, FP, and she uses strong tape, God bless her, to ensure I stay that way (booooos!)

This is my woe. Someone else's woe takes the form of wanting to understand the symbols on cooker dials. Did you ever hear of such a thing!? Clearly, like me, that person is much too intelligent for their own good. My advice is sit in the way and bark a very great deal.

Sigh *looks at bandaged paw and slowly raises one eye-brow*

More Ouch!

Oww, ohhh, ow. Etc.

If you are a dog owner who cannot resist the appeal of a pair of big brown eyes then just get out of the kitchen already!

I know, I know; this makes no sense! But my point is ST & FP let me run about this morning (after I got through sitting on the path & barking my head off*) in the park. I stalked a squirrel! It was fun.

But then, oh! then my paw was agony. I had to keep stopping and clutching Poorly Paw into my chest. If you had been there, you may have heard me utter some Naughty Words**.

The moral of this sorry tail (do you see what I did there?) is: 

WAIT UNTIL YOUR DOG'S PAW IS COMPLETELY BETTER BEFORE LETTING HIM/HER RESUME NORMAL WALKIES.

Yes.

*I hadn't actually got through barking I was drawing breath but ST & FP walked on as soon as I fell silent.

**Oh yes! Dogs know some choice expletives too! I could turn the air blue...

Stupid Bandage

Title says it all really. Bandages are stupid and they don't stay on, the adhesive gets on my fur which means INTENSE licking, so then my tongue hurts and you get that kind of licked-too-many-envelopes vibe going on and then FP discovers the missing bandage and goes to town being all nurse-like (she's not bad, BTW) or you end up with a much longer foot than you are used to having and start tripping up. In which case the best thing to do is limp in front of FP and let her do the nurse-like thing.

NIGHTMARE WEEK!

And (AND!) those sockie-boot things smell once you've been wearing them a couple of days. Dry them on the radiator if they get wet or you'll have to move house.

Ouch!

Ohh.
Ouch, ow, ouch, OUCH, ohhh.

Ow, ohh.

Basically, ow.

2nd attempt

I started writing a post earlier this evening but got bored, lost interest and wandered off. 

I'm back now.

I've been spending a lot of time at the top of the stairs. I've spoken before about the merits of this location in terms of being able to monitor most things I need to during the day. Nothing's really changed in this except the number of biscuits FP is sneaking into the study. 

I'm worried about her; what if she isn't eating enough biscuits? If you see FP in the park or in the library, be sure to tell her that she should buy some jaffa cakes on the way home. Or some of those choco-whatsits (I love those). She's bound to listen to you *meaningful stare*

Vote for Motwoozle!

We're excited about this

Raining acorns

There's a tree next to the fountain where I like to do some digging and bubble-blowing. Anyhoo, my morning's digging and bubble-blowing was interrupted by green acorns falling to the ground around me. 

I looked up and thought I caught sight of a dark shape moving about in the branches. 

I looked left and right and thought I caught sight of some greyhounds 'hiding' behind nearby trees.

Have those cunning hounds hired a monkey to scatter acorns about the foot of a tree in order to lure squirrels into the open?

2 minutes past 10

Any second now one of them will remember that NO-ONE'S GIVEN ME MY DENTASTIX!

Any second...

Oh honestly! Oi...FP...

Lines

I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I'm so sorry FP please love me still I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags FP you are the best and really pretty I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags FP I love you more than ST I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags FP you are my inspiration I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags I must not rip up bin bags

The Art of Getting Toast

When FP is eating toast I like to make her feel like she is surrounded by sitting to her left, her right, behind her and also in front of her. If I can manage it, I also sit on her.

Biscuits

Humans: where ever you are in the house when you open a packet of biscuits, your dog WILL FIND YOU.

I saw that dog again

Now I know that some of you will not find this post title much of a surprise 'cos, yeah, I'm a dog and it's not unusual for a dog to see other dogs, blah, blah, blah.

Well BLAH YOURSELVES! The dog I'm talking about is the one I chased into the Maze! And there he was NOT IN THE MAZE! 

Clearly this dog - whose name I don't yet know but it's probably something like Super Dog or Resolver Hound - has Super Powers which make it impossible to trap him in a maze. Serious stuff.

I chased him into the maze in the first place because he is an idiot about squirrels. Who knew that he'd find his way out inside a week?

As one door opens, so does another one!

Exciting news! I have just (bravely) taken a new route through to the kitchen, unaccompanied. Yes.

I have been through these new doors before but FP was always with me. Just now I did it on my own, only hesitating a little as I went. A great moment like this deserves more than a blog posting, though, so I am off now to bum some treats off ST, using my new route!

Scientific Research - Interpreting the Emotions of Cats

I'm adding a linky for you to clicky.

*sighs and looks thoughtful* In some ways I realise that this research is useful and am happy to allow it to continue but, in other ways, it just makes me mad as hell.

*stands up and turns around to look out of the window* You see, cats are a provoking kind of animal. I was provoked the other evening whilst sitting at my gate. A human woman came along past my house being escorted BY HER CAT. Wrong in many ways. As I was ushered indoors before I could really get started with barking and growling at this up-start cat, I metaphorically shook my clenched paw at the world - IT IS NOT A CAT'S DUTY TO ESCORT PEOPLE! THAT'S WHAT DOGS DO.

*licks paw* I'm over it now but if you do decide to play Tagpuss and find yourself thinking "Awww, wook at the liccle puddycat..." just imagine being inconvenienced by having to wait until your cat is ready before you can leave for work in the morning. Then search for the tag which says 'scheming'.

PAIN

Pain is not good

Captain Birdseye beard anyone?

Shiver me timbers (mmmmm, shiver!) but the hot weather is making me moult like a, well, like a dog, in fact. Fur EVERYWHERE.

This evening alone, FP was able to fashion a Captain Birdseye beard from the fur she groomed out of me. Admittedly you'd be a younger, more rakish Captain Birdseye if you took this beard but imagine all the fun you can have on the high seas!

If you don't want a Captain Birdseye beard, you could probably have a short, severe bob haircut out of it...Anyone?

Roger's Thesaurus

Call me odd ball but I have always used a thesaurus when writing. Essays, reports, business plans - the thesaurus is handy, handy, handy.

When I asked ST about using a thesaurus he surprised me. Here's a transcript of our conversation:

Me: Have you ever used a thesaurus?

ST: No.

Me: Oh. Why? *tilts head to encourage ST to open up and share*

ST: Because it's a big book and it's Roger's, not mine.

Me: *stops suddenly* What?

ST: It's true. It was never 'ST's Thesaurus', always 'Roger's Thesaurus'.

Me: Roger?

ST: Well, haven't you noticed that the publisher spelt Roger wrong? I always thought we were lucky the spelling error occured where it did or else it would have been 'Toger's Thesarus'

Me: ROFL!!

Using the web

Today as we were walking in the park, I asked ST* if he had ever read about how best to phrase a search in a web search engine. Here's a transcript of our talk:

ST: No.

Me: Why?

ST: Never needed to.

Me: ? *lifts collie ears and tilts head*

ST: Well, like the other day, right, I put in a search for 'marrow tentacles' and most of the results that came up were to do with horror films, so I knew I had to change the search to something like 'growing marrows'. I didn't need to read any instructions on using the search engine to know that I hadn't used a good search term the first time.

Me: Oh. Do you know how web search engines work?

ST: Yes. There are all these spiders, all over the place they are, even in your house! 'Cos it's a web, see? And you put in your search terms and if one of the spiders is near the answer it holds up a card.

Me: What?

ST: It's true. There are spiders in your house, yeah, and that's how they can make your address appear on the web. They know where you live.

Me: ! *left collie ear at full extension*

ST: And then, yeah, the spiders - when they've got your answer and are holding up your card - they wait for a mega-pixie to come and paint it and that's how you see it on your computer.

Me: Is that a sqirrel over there?

ST: Where? No, I think it's a beer can

Me: Are you sure? I think it's a squirrel...

Anyway, that's kind of word for word how I found out that there's a lot more work to be done on ST.

*ST's knee has been poorly - a sickie knee. But it's getting better so I'm letting him come on walks again.

Someone's broken ST!

...when I find out who it was I'm gonna hide all (ALL) of their toys and see how they like it! I am so cross right now...

Tyrone, the Recycled Rex

Tugger - the Ages

I've decided that I shall write a history of Tuggers.

I'm gonna take some photos, do a bit of writing about Tuggers and remember the Tuggers that have been lost at sea. You'll love it. But I haven't written it yet, so you'll have to wait.

Wait!

I'm temporarily changing ST's name

Gonna call him DrillerKiller. I hope he finishes these few 'little' jobs soon.

In other news, I have been asked by the FA to run some motivational sessions with the England football team. I told them I couldn't be bothered. This would change though if I could take some hair dressers with me...You know what I'm saying. Sometimes plaits can be too tight...Short back and sides always suited FP's dad.

DrillerKiller moved a marrow/courgette plant to a place I was planning to dig some holes later. FtLoG, what do I have to do to get some decent digging space in MY OWN GARDEN? 
Additional: DrillerKiller now understands why having more than one pair of shoes is vital. Yes.

Dear World...

...Please help me to find the person in charge of Names so that I can ask for no babies to be named Vuvuzela (see earlier post comments).

Being a dog I gain experience a great deal more quickly than humans (see dog years) and I can tell you from the future that babies named Vuvuzela will be unhappy and friendless. They will not be dog owners. They will probably have squirrels in their attic spaces when they own houses.

This awful warning from the future was made possible by unanimous vote at a meeting of thousands of dogs all over the country who are older and wiser than any human thinks. Listen to us, humans!

In other news, I ate my breakfast this morning and my ears are now recovered. Yays! *punches air*

The lawn is, well, let's just say that the lawn is not doing so good. Thankfully the jumbone plants are beginning to reach out and claim parts of it - I am so looking forward to that crop! ST planted some sprouts next to the jumbones, I think for my convenience in the ongoing squirrel battle. Sprouts are pretty good for throwing (but only pre-cooked ones. Boiled sprouts work like boomerangs - you've been warned).

As you were, humans.

Vuvuzela

I shall now force traffic to my blog by using the word 'vuvuzela'. I bid you all good day.
vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela vuvuzela
That'll do.

Although I don't like it when...

...FP goes out without me, it does give me a chance to wrap ST around my little finger!
Today's efforts brought me more chicken for my lunch and some flavoured rice so no more of that plain rubbish - bleh!
FP attempted to shoot more of that grim paste stuff at me this morning. I discovered it mashed into my breakfast which (again, thanks to some good work I did on ST's heart strings) was some lamb meat. As soon as I tasted that grit nastiness, I went up on the lawn and puked. I think I managed to get rid of it all. Bit worried about the lawn actually. I wish ST would lay some more new turf...

I know she means well but...

...if FP thinks that brown, gritty stuff she tried to inject straight down my throat this morning using a syringe (if you please!) is going to help make me feel better then I think SHE needs to see the vet, not me!

On the up-side, I am feeling quite pleased with the chicken elements of my current diet. Plain boiled rice not so much.

*returns to sick bed and lies down*

Official

I am on a diet of rice and boiled chicken, plus I shall be tussling with FP later on as she attempts to get drops in my ear. I will eventually yield but I'll have rolled around on the floor for a bit.

I am still weak and feeble but will see visitors in ones and twos. Bless you all.

I don't feel well

I need someone to carry me *stands with front paws raised*

Photography

The other day in the park I took some directed FP to take some photographs.
Look at these angry looking beasts!

Marzipan Head

Earthing up

Being a Smart Collie it occurred to me earlier as ST was working in the garden that there's a dynamite joke in the pipeline! I shall explain...

I buried a jumbone in the garden a while back and it started growing. Yes. I thought about checking the Internet for advice on what I should do next to make sure of a good, plentiful crop but then ST's been out there a couple of times a week doing what he calls 'earthing up' of his 'potatoes'! Hilarious! You know what the joke is, right? Yeah, it's: "wait until he UNEARTHS the truth"! *Rofl*

Potatoes! He thinks my Jumbone Trees are Red Dukes or some such! *Wipes tears from eyes*

I can hardly type for laughing! *Bangs paw on desk twice*

I must compose myself or ST'll hear and wonder what's making me laugh so much...*Takes a deep breath and looks out over the garden*

Negotiate with me

Let's face it people, I am by far the best choice for running the country:

1. I'm pretty fast - not greyhound-fast but I have explosive speed, a bit like a scrum half
2. Good nose - I can find stuff (mostly food stuff) easily
3. Loud - I can out-bark any other dog in London
4. Own driver - ST takes me about town in our own car so I won't need to employ extra chauffeur staff when I'm in power.

These are important considerations, I'm sure you'll agree. And I also have policies on cats, squirrels and the arrangement of mini rallies in my park (ban minis).

Can you get a better deal than that?! Doubt it...

Freaked out

I am freaked out. I can't explain why. I can hear noises.

Scriptwriting

I cannot blog for long this evening because I'm having to write a script for a TV series.

I'm going to be the star of the show. It will be mainly about me (bien sur) and there'll be bits and pieces about some other dogs I know and their owners. I know some real characters so it'll be hilarious.

Oh, before I go back to the script though, I have to tell you that the jumbone I buried last month is growing! Very exciting. There are 5 shoots and I've noticed that ST thinks they're potatoes - boy is he in for a shock!? I should include this in my script...

Increasing my powerbase

I am becoming increasingly powerful and have another minion. Last night I was the focus of attention of 3 (three) people ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

In the past I wouldn't have believed that I had enough tummy available to be rubbed and tickled by 3 people at the same time! Turns out I do...

Heavy Roller

I helped in the garden earlier by lying on the newly laid turf.
Although why ST's bothering when he knows that is my superhighway to the foxes is beyond me. Still it has kept him occupied and away from the hoover, which is a beast with a retractable tail - not natural!
There are very few squirrels around this year. There are a number of reasons this could be:

1. I was much better at breaking up the organisation of the Squirrel Army than even the Leggy Dalmatian thought I'd be
2. The excessive tree felling in the park decimated the squirrel population
3. We're all in a lot more trouble than we can realise with the Squirrel Army massing somewhere ready for a big push.

Think on...

Lou Reed

Yesterday I listened to Lou Reed. He cannot sing.

NunuT's favourite shop

Call me old fashioned, but I love going shopping when FP & ST are buying stuff for me. All the shops that sell stuff for them are boring and tend to want me to wait outside, which means my valuable input as to what should be bought is wasted. Sometimes entire BAGS full of stuff are carried into my house containing not so much as a dry biscuit.

Anyway, there's this one shop where I am allowed in because I think it is stocked almost to the rafters of things I love! It's just down the road and when I was there on Saturday last, I managed to get a bone into my mouth that wasn't really going to be included in the purchase! I'm so crafty at times I think I could be a fox. But I'm not (a fox) because I have never stood in someone's garden across the street and made a load of noise at 04.30 - 04.47, most mornings these last few weeks.

340 words? I write a freakin' blog, damnit!

340 words is all it takes for this plain vanilla (i.e.: black & white border collie) to get a docco made about it! The world's gone mental.

I - me - I write a blog (you are reading it right now), on which I made some changes earlier today (do you like the new colour scheme & piccies?). 

I also manage ST's fitness and leisure programme, guard the street against foxes and cats, guard the whole WORLD against the massed organised ranks of the squirrel army and who's offering to make a docco about me? No-one. 340 words? All she really does if you look closely is retrieve her favourite toys! In the comfort of her own home, if you please!

The reason this is an outrage is that any dog can nail most home-based objects within days of properly moving in. It's how we scope out the best places to sleep (the ones which are not in the line of any draughts but which permit an unbroken sight-line to the front door and/or kitchen cupboard containing food and treats). We also know when we are likely to get treats because we recognise the real names and all the crazy nicknames owners give food. We know code-names for vets and visitors to the house we don't like and for whom we lay traps, in spite of our owner's attempts to fool us. Yes.

340 words - come on people! This is child's play!

A one-dog family

Since we went back to being a one-dog family I think ST & FP have grown to appreciate me even more than they did before. Yes. For example, today - a weekday - FP has decided to remain at home so that she can open the door for me whenever I spot a fox creature in the garden.
That's the good news. The bad news is that the step outside the door is growing increasingly precarious to negotiate at the kinds of speed I generate in pursuit of the fox creatures. I sent ST & FP out with a shovel & broom earlier but there's still slippage to consider en route to the fence.
Whoops! I think Cook might have been hit in the delicates...

AS = afraid of vacuum cleaners

LOL! AS was scampering about the house trying to avoid the vacuum earlier but she didn't know (like I do) that vacuum-ing is like a mania for ST & you can run all you like but eventually he's gonna get you!
Turns out that AS has a weakness: she's scared of anything that moves like a vacuum cleaner. So, brooms, floor mops, road sweepers most likely too, are all things you can use to control AS. After that you can use a tug on her lead but she's very quick to engage the sympathies of passers-by with a cunning show of being feak and weeble (sits down, shivers and raises one paw as if injured).
Thus far no other of my toys have lost the power of squeak.