Busy time

I peed in a shop! I did; I was so impressed with everything (EVERYTHING) on display that I left a pee-mail near the collars and leads section. FP and ST were discussing buying me a new tartan collar and I got a bit excited, then peed.
We left with a brand new Kong Wubba and some gravy bones.

After that we were all on the beach and (warning: this next bit's upsetting) I lost Tugger AGAIN!

I just don't understand how this keeps happening to me. Well, I do know actually and it's my own fault but all the same...

Yes, so I was chasing Tugger and belting about like normal when, I don't know, I got careless and went in the sea and put Tugger down and the next thing I know is it's floating away. Then I noticed that the tide was on the way out and the breeze was off-shore. Sigh.

We sat down and watched Tugger go. Here are some snaps taken by the heartless FP (she didn't seem at all moved by Tugger's loss):

Tugger floats out to sea

Tugger!

Oh! I can't bear it...

I sat there at the window for hours just remembering Tugger...

Anyway the next day I felt fine as I had discovered that extra Tuggers had been supplied by my super owners, ST & FP (that's why FP was okay when Tugger was in the sea) and even though we did spend a fair amount of time skittering about on treacherous rocks looking for Tugger, we did okay with the New New Tugger, or Tugger3 (T3).

As you know at Christmas dogs like to be included in the festivities, be given presents and eat lots of leftovers. It can be very tiring. Here's a picture of my buddy Harry 'celebrating' Christmas with his owner:


Comfy little dog!

I have just chased off some 'carol singers'...

...because they were not very good. I can howl better than that. Honestly...

Up-date on Kong Wubba

Just thought I'd let you all know that dear old Kong Wubba is still with us. Extremely tatty and there are bits hanging off but we can still have a good game with it!

Funnies

Look at this:
http://www.thedogisland.com/
I think I could live on Dog Island. I could RULE Dog Island!

I'm so muddy

I've been enjoying splashing about in the massive puddles which have developed in the park. I still haven't quite dried out and we've been home ages, plus I've had a good towelling!

My training for not-dropping-Tugger-in-water is going well. For the last few days I've managed to drop Tugger short of the puddles. If only I hadn't barked so madly today I think I would have been one of the best dogs in London.

I cannot blog without making mention of the '29 phases'; any Quins fan will know instantly what I mean. What a fantastic 2 weeks of rugby we've had. Personally I find it too stressful to watch so I sit in the back with ST and we do other stuff whilst monitoring the scores on the Internet. FP meanwhile leaps all over the place, screaming her head off and she yelled so loudly at the final whistle from the Stoop that I came rushing in to see if she was okay. She was jumping on a chair so I sat on her to help her calm down. Eventually she muttered something about a boney elbow digging in her ribs so I shifted a bit and she wriggled away and started jumping up and down again. Well, I couldn't help smiling - FP does love the rugby!

Lorraine

FP came home late yesterday and I was a little bit cross until she explained why.
It was Lorraine's last day at work with FP and they all had to make a fuss of her.
Now, when I make a fuss of another dog I bark a lot and run about. FP didn't look like she'd spent 2 hours dashing about, barking and I don't want Lorraine to miss out on the special-ness of a NunuThunder Fuss Making, so I am looking forward to meeting her in a park very soon!
I'll bring some extra toys.

In the park this morning...

...I had some fine late season stalking! There haven't been many squirrels around owing to the chilly weather and this morning's frosty conditions certainly fooled me into thinking that I'd have to focus on chasing Tugger about the whole walk. Then, when we got to the other side of the cricket pitch there were 3 squirrels all lined up! You could have knocked me down with a feather.

Actually, it would be impossible to knock me down with a feather - I'm a collie and it takes something along the lines of the promise of part of a bacon sandwich for me to even roll over!

There were several dogs today at whom I did not bark. This is because I have a New Policy which is related to the pounding my good name took after the smashed-glass-next-to-a-packet-of-biscuits affair.

On the extra-plus side, Sonny (my assistant) has completed all my Christmas cards and we will be popping the overseas ones in the post tomorrow. I went for a traditional design rather than a picture of myself on the cards this year as I am still working hard to perfect my smile and feel I can improve still. Maybe next year.

I'm being wooed!

Recently I have been finding a French Man in the house.

Since ferocious barking did not put him off coming here I made a decision to train him and now I have an excellent situation whereby he plays Tugger with me ON DEMAND (!) and plies me with ham at lunchtime.

I think I'll keep him.

FP brought me into the study this evening and pointed to a perfectly un-ripped apart trash bin. Then she made a big fuss of me and I felt marvellous - I am a good dog! Oh, hang on. I see what she's playing at: No ripping out trash bins = Nunu Good Dog.

I did what I could

I tried really hard to convince them that some enemy had come in and broken that glass but, dissemble as I could, they didn't go for it and today all the bins were empty. I checked them all. Empty.

FP has been poking about in the fridge and it looks like she might be thinking of cooking. This means cheese. I must go and be with her.

It wasn't me!

Today a glass was found smashed next to a packet of biscuits. I have been blamed.
Technically it was me but if I slink about and appear to be sorry enough, I think I can make both ST and FP believe it wasn't me.

Motwoozle - will you ever understand?

Now I realise that for many of you (my devoted readers) this will not make sense but it is essential that I use this space to tell Motwoozle that it is okay to enjoy NunuThunder.

I know that in your everyday life you are downtrodden and put-upon. The significance of the phrase "dog's body" is not lost on me, you know! We have more in common than you think, Mot, except I can rip up bins at will and get away with it whereas you cannot and that is why I am still taking the rap for what you do in the living room these days! I don't mind, because I have grown fond of you over the years and know that if you and I were the only 2 living creatures left on earth you would throw Tugger for me. Yes.

Normal service resumes tomorrow people.

Seeing things...

I woke up a little bit bleary-eyed the other day and thought: "That's strange". I'm used to seeing foxes and squirrels, plenty of birds and the neighbourhood cats from my window but a couple of pandas was something of a surprise...

Charades

(click to enlarge)

We had people over last night and, after some barking games, we played charades. Above you can see me and my good friend Bella trying to enact a poignant scene from 'The Last Family In Britain', a moving story about how it is for dogs (you should all read it). Bella was representing the wisdom of the older dogs in the book through the medium of lip-licking, and I was depicting the fecklessness of spaniels by waving more than one leg in the air.

Unfortunately our game of charades was brutally interrupted by ST setting off the fire alarm. I doubt that any of you have given any serious thought to how you make an evening really special beyond providing food and drink but I'd say almost deafening guests will ensure that you enter a special place in their hearts.

I enjoyed having Bella over. I showed her my toys (although I didn't let her play with any of them) and we each enjoyed a Dentastix - which didn't make up for the fact that we didn't manage to snaffle anything from the table but you can't have everything, can you?

My Special Relationship with Postie

Over the years, Postie and I have developed what I like to think of as a Special Relationship.

I have included a couple of photo of the front door which illustrate nicely just how we feel about each other. Yes, those are muddy paw marks!

ST caught me out today. He came home from doing some shopping and I was so pleased to see him back that I forgot to check my appearance in the mirror. Basically he found me with a sliver of biscuit wrapper in my ear fur which blew the gaff on my antics whilst he was out.

It was a fair cop. I had snaffled the biscuits off FP's desk. Dark chocolate digestives - very nice.

I do not have smelly paws

Despite what FP says, I don't have smelly paws.

I have made known my great displeasure at the suggestion that I have smelly paws by refusing to have my tail brushed. I have also decided that I will claim the whole bed for myself tonight as it's expected to be a bit nippy out. The duvet is MINE! That'll teach her.

Gloomy Nunu

This is how I felt after England lost to Australia yesterday.

I've had my England rugby ball for a few years and you can see that it is deflated, tattered and not much use for kicking these days. A bit like the team.

100!

Ha Ha! My 100th posting knocks off my rant about the potato that got all the cheese - I never liked that potato.

I took the plunge this morning and lay down in the Big Muddy Puddle. Ahhhh, the cooling effect on my belly was instant and I could tell that both ST & FP were delighted to see what I was doing as they both ran towards me waving their arms in the air. The only other times I see them doing that is when their team scores.

We detoured off the usual route in the park this morning so that I could chat with Bella, a jack russell. She's coming to dinner next week and it'll be good to get another dog's opinion on how I've decided to arrange my toys in different rooms, mostly in doorways for maximum attention grabbing. After months of research I found that once a person - could be anyone - has tripped over a strategically placed toy they cannot then claim to have been unaware that toys are there to be played with.

Muddy Paws

Sometimes at the back of the garden by the fence, next to the ComposterMonster the ground turns to mush and because I have to go to this place on important missions to clear foxes out of my territory I arrive back in the house with Muddy Paws.
I think we can all agree that this is Not My Fault, but rather it is the fault of any or all of the following:

• The ComposterMonster
• The foxes
• The rain
• The continuing failure of the grass to grow in this area.

The reason Muddy Paws is an issue is because ST has thing about the staircase carpet always being covered in Muddy Paw Marks.

Again, Not My Fault. The staircase suffers generally because of any or all of the following:

• FP's really too sleepy/stupid in the morning to stop me after I come back in from my first foray of the day into the garden
• I am really fast
• The carpet itself is really stupid to just lie there and take it.

Kong Wubba - the last days

Kong Wubba's almost entirely unstitched! At any moment it could all unravel and I'll be left with a bit of soggy rag and a blue tennis ball. Sigh.

I've had a lot of enjoyment out of Kong Wubba (KW) after what can only be described as a slow start:

KW came into our lives on one of FP's whims in Pets @ Home. I was checking out the treats aisle and she came along with this toy. To make her happy (and so that she'd buy some of the treats I was indicating with my ears as being of interest to me) I licked it without really taking a proper look. Next thing, it's in the car and many of the treats I had been hankering after were still in the shop. Clearly I was more interested in analysing why my ears had failed to bring me all the treats I wanted despite being fully extended in that special collie way and not so much in this blue, supposedly indestructible, double-squeaker mechanism'd usurper of Tugger's place on a walk in the park.

I remember vividly how once FP had realised that I was not going to chase KW on that walk she let 2 terriers have a go at it. They nearly went crazy shaking it about like a rat!

After that walk KW was left in the car for ages and I forget how it was brought into the house but one day I discovered that the double-squeak mechanism was an awesome way to get ST and FP off the phone when I was feeling like having all their attention. I'd say it's almost impossible to talk sensibly for longer than 3-4 minutes while a collie squeaks a KW nearby.

After this discovery KW was rarely far from my reach and no phone call lasted longer than is necessary to exchange key pieces of information.

Since the partial puncturing and loss of the double squeak function, KW has been gradually deteriorating so that there are probably only one or two really decent power matches left in it where I have hold of the squeaking end and ST/FP has hold of the raggy end.

ST has already bought me a replacement because he can't stand to see me upset and I love him for that. He had to go a long way to find that replacement - top owner!

KW - I salute you for the great entertainment you have brought me (and ST & FP). Also, for being there after Tugger was lost at sea. I know I didn't chase you on the beach but that was for your own good.

Splashing!

I found a lovely big puddle on the terraces in the park and did some digging just to make sure I was properly covered in muddy water.

Rain, rain, rain - I love it still!

Last evening I was put in the bath and made into a 'fluffy noodle' again. I wonder why ST insists that FP does all the bathing? I heard him telling her that I had rolled in fox doot so I know he knew that the bath was inevitable. To be fair I do always manage to destroy the bathroom on exiting the tub and there is the whole post-bath rampage about the house finding things to splatter with water, which generally requires that my baths do not occur unless there are 2 or more people with towels stationed in key areas. Secretly I love plunging about at high speed avoiding the toweling until the last moment. To finish, I tear up my bed and if I can manage to pull the curtain off its rail whilst I do that, then all well and good.

I wasn't really bothered about being fluffy overnight. No-one saw me and I caught a weather forecast yesterday so was looking forward to a rain-soaked walkies through the park this morning. You can hardly tell I was so recently in the bath!

Cranky Noodle

I HATE fireworks! It's only meant to be one day, people!

Sigh.

So, how've you all been? I have spent much of the past week being comforted with soothing music. Other times I have taken refuge in the bathroom. The stress of being constantly on the alert for stray fireworks has meant that I've barked at every dog in the park - even ones I don't normally bark at at all.

Hate fireworks.

I think I should be Prime Minister, BTW. No government of which I was the boss would lose data!

Immense news!

ST is back! FP and I were playing with Kong Wubba yesterday (delicately after I nibbled away at the stitching) when suddenly there was a phone call.
I knew it was Immense News as immediately FP set about preparing me for a walk with my red harness and the short chain lead. This set up means she doesn't want me to try and get in every (EVERY) garden we pass, which I usually like to do as many people have cats and what honest-to-goodness-dog can resist scaring the be-jesus out of cat napping on its own territory, eh?
Anyhoo, there we were walking down the road and there was ST walking towards us! I was so happy I tried walking on 2 legs and yipped!
THEN, when we got home, ST pulled a new Kong Wubba out of his bag. I threw my paws about his knees and gave him a big hug - I truly have the best owners in the world!

Potato took so long to cook!

FP decided to have the massive jacket potato for her tea but it took, like, ages to cook! After the first hour (which we thought was a reasonable amount of time), she checked and left it for another 20 minutes. She took the CHEESE out of the fridge about 5 minutes before the timer went off because surely 1 hour and 20 minutes is enough time to cook a JP?

Well, no, it isn't apparently. And there was the cheese, sitting on the counter mere inches from my mouth...Ohhhh, I love cheese!

FP checked again after this crazy potato had been in the oven for 1 hour and 35 minutes (man, she was hungry) and it was finally ready to have the cheese added - WHAT? Cheese added to the potato? Madness! I thought the cheese was for me (ME, who loves cheese!) and there she was dumping it all on the took-ages-to-cook-potato!

I did get some cheese but that potato has a lot to answer for.

Butter wouldn't melt

I was so good on my walk today that it drew comment from other dog-walkers! To be fair, I felt I owed it to FP as she didn't make me walk hundreds of miles but focused on the proper business of my walks by throwing Tugger (and not getting it stuck in a tree!).

Give and take, see? She did what I want, so I did what she wants and just sat quiet whilst she chatted to Mojo's owner. In fact, once I heard what Mojo's Owner was saying about me I perked up my ears because people LOVE a collie with perky ears.

Have to say that I'm not looking forward to tomorrow night. It's Halloween and last year some eejit threw eggs at houses all along the street. Others ignored the signs asking for our gate to be shut - I could run straight into the road and be run over by a car but people take no notice still. I think everyone should be a bit more thoughtful about going trick or treating.

Long Walk today

My paws!
But that's not all...FP's crazy idea to make me walk to the park this morning meant that I couldn't sing without attracting a following like the Pied Piper so I just kept quiet.
Then we went past all those houses where I think a lot of foxes hang around so I had to sniff each and every one very closely.
THEN when we reached the park and I could run about chasing Tugger (new), FP went and threw it in a tree!
THEN I had to guard the tree whilst she jumped up and down trying to free Tugger (new) using sticks, broken off branches, borrowed umbrellas, my lead (which also temporarily became stuck) etc. All to no avail and there's me having to drive away other dogs who thought if they could get Tugger (new) down they could keep it.
Eventually a taller person came along who wielded the broken off branch rather more skillfully than FP did.
I was relieved and set about chasing Tugger (new) like I haven't chased it before. In fact, facing today's walk and possibly the rest of my life without Tugger (new) has changed the way I feel about it and I've decided to leave off including a bracketed 'new' after every mention. I'm sure that my old Tugger will understand as it must by now be somewhere near Norway.
But that's not all!
THEN I had to hang around and wait whilst FP chatted with other dog walkers! For ages! Don't they understand but at all? Dog walkers is what we call them because dog walking is their only task and yet they gather in huddled groups gossiping...Honestly.
Of course the lengthy gossip session meant that I forgot about having to walk home so I went on chasing Tugger with all my new found love for it and it was only when the lead came back out that I realised I didn't have a ride home.
My paws!

Agggghhhhh!

Oh. Well, I appear to have lost ST. I don't know how this keeps happening.
Time to call in the search & rescue collies again - they did a good job of finding FP's voice and even part of Kong Wubba's squeak has returned. Can't have been easy finding that since it doesn't really have a smell. Of course, it won't matter for much longer as after some stressed out close-work I did recently Kong Wubba's stitching is compromised and it could be revealed as just a blue, tennis ball quite soon.

Short-lived

Not long after we all piled back into the car to come home this morning, FP noticed that "someone smells a bit foxy".
All eyes turned to me and then (mercifully) back to the road. It was no good; I knew I was rumbled and before I had the chance even to lay quietly in my bed and make it smell of fox too. Sigh.
It was quite good fun in the bath though. FP was soaked by the time I'd finished and owing to the towering performance I gave of a really sorry dog, I was rewarded with treats - awesome! Plus, I noticed that we used the last of the shampoo(ch), so we won't be having a repeat bath tomorrow as no-one can shop so quickly. Phew, there's a chance that the special pile of fox doot I found this morning will still be there tomorrow...

Chocolate

Today whilst mooching around I thought I'd run one of my regular checks for goodies.
I quickly found the probably two-thirds remaining slab of good quality dark chocolate which FP thought she had put on a high enough shelf and figured that any determined third party would be able to find it and eat it. So, I moved it into my bed, removed and partly chewed the wrapper, then licked the chocolate a couple of times to make it look unappealing - after all, who's going to want to snaffle a bar of chocolate the dog's licked, eh? No-one's that desperate, not even someone who thought to check the dog's bed for such loot.

Just let it happen!

See that top health tip of the day down there, a bit to the left? Yeah, the one FP attached to this blog to help, that's it. It says about being firm with your dog whilst grooming. Well, I can never work out why any dog wouldn't enjoy being brushed. I love it, tend to go all like: 'ohhhhhhhhhhh, yeeee-essssss!'
What I like to do is make my ear fur look a bit ragged by roughing up my bed, turning around looking at FP and then sneezing so that my ears really go huge. Never fails to get her reaching for the brushes. We always start with the ears, then I make a big play of flopping down on the floor and rolling over so FP can do my undercarriage and tail-feathers.
The only bit I'm not keen on is my tail being brushed because my tail always (ALWAYS) has knots in it.

Rugby

At last the rugby is over for the weekend. Whilst the rugby's on FP tends to forget that I like a mid-afternoon bonio.
I was having a look for a friend of mine on the PDSA website but had no luck - no, wait! ST's found the link:
http://www.pdsa.org.uk/managed/pr_media_releases_action.html?id=958
That's Sable on the right. I barked at her this morning because I thought she'd found a squirrel and might need some help dealing with it if it became frisky. Wow, isn't Phyllis great for raising so much for charity!

Planning

There is no doubt that planning is important in any venture you want to go well.
I'm so wise sometimes it's scary.
Other times I'm a bit of an air-head.
Sonny and I were reading one of the tips which we've attached to this blog which was about 'exciting exercise' (16/10/08). Basically this tip suggested that hiding treats under up-turned food bowls was fun for dogs. It isn't fun, it's a stupid idea and here's why:

• there might still be food in the bowl which is invisible to the human eye (this is why many dogs will re-visit a bowl long after it seems to be empty and start licking it)
• often food bowls are heavy, being made from good quality earthenware and are therefore impossible to right without thumbs
• some food bowls are tinny, cheap efforts which are also impossible to right as they move around the floor when pushed with a nose
• other things could be trapped under the up-turned food bowl, like small puppies and children (owners practicing these 'fun exercises' should always be sure to conduct a head-count before and after)
• dogs are perfectly capable of finding fun ways to exercise, for instance, recently I posted a blog on what I do with trash bins whilst ST & FP are not around. That's FUN!
• you wouldn't like it if one of us tipped your larder on its door, would you?

So, I hope you all understand now that between resisting the (well meant) efforts of owners heeding bad advice and the various pursuits we dogs formulate for ourselves using our own brains, you can see how planning would become a key part of our routines. It sometimes looks like we're asleep. Chances are we're planning.

Tut!

I'm exasperated - as you can probably tell! This evening I was 'left to my own devices' but all the handily placed bins had been removed to higher-than-me level, so I couldn't do my usual thing of ripping them out and spreading the contents all over the floors whilst searching through for snack wrappers.
Instead I went to my room and made notes on the squirrel activity. I've been making progress with my stalking technique and somehow the crows have been turned to our side so they leave me alone now and pick on the bushy-tailed critters instead. I don't mind having my quarry swooped on from above - as long as I am no longer attacked from the air, I don't mind.
Crows are quite good fun to chase actually. I like to do a bit of crow-chasing when I first arrive in the park, especially if I've had a long drive. As you know I sing the whole time I'm in the car and music just makes me want to run and jump and bark! Music's great!

Ripper!

Something I like to do when left to my own devices is rip out all the rubbish from a bin. Then, if I'm lucky and because FP (bless her) likes to snack, I like to chew to pieces all the food wrappers I find - it's great fun!
Well, I say fun but later on when my activities are discovered I do have to go all hang-dog and pretend to be sorry for making a mess.
I'm not sorry though! It isn't like I've pooed on the carpet (which, BTW, I've NEVER done)!
I was once caught in the act of scoffing a chocolate orange which was nearly the cause of a poo on the carpet. FP came back unexpectedly because she'd forgotten something and there was I standing with my hind legs on the back of the sofa, still gripping the shelves with my front paws whilst I ate - I couldn't have looked more guilty! I did my best to appear penitent but TBH I was already beginning to feel queasy.
Moral of this story is: stick to ripping up rubbish bins and LEAVE THE SHELVES ALONE!

FP can speak!

Those search & rescue collies are even better than I thought! No sooner had we given them the details of what we'd lost when FP started making little squeaking sounds! Took me a while to realise she was speaking but after a while I let the dolphin part of my brain take over and she began making sense! Plus, Kong Wubba seems to be squeaking more too - now THAT'S a bargain!
I've been supervising a great deal of work in the garden over the last few days which is why I haven't had time to blog much - it's not that nothing's happening, just me being busy, busy, busy! Usual collie stuff; put that there, don't dig here (you'll find my secret stash of jumbones) and moving on by-standers who stopped in the street to watch. Honestly, haven't people got better things to do with their time than interrupt a collie supervising 2 people digging?
Sonny has been visiting his former owners as Sunday's his day off. Means I have to do stuff for myself on Sundays which reminds me how blessed I am to have an Assistant the rest of the week.
Mmmm, I can smell nice things cooking so I'm off to investigate the left-over potential.

Steaks

It was steaks. ST was hammering steaks.

I sent Sonny

Don't panic everyone! Sit down, go about your business as normal. I have sent Sonny (my Assistant!) to find out what all the banging is. All will be well.
As you were.

Not punctured

Sonny and I are foxed! FP isn't punctured but still she's not making the right noises for an owner of her size and experience. I tell you, it is a mystery.
Luckily with 2 collies on the case full time there's bound to be a solution soon. We've asked specialist collies with extensive training in search and rescue to look into the 'missing voice'.
In the meantime, it's rather good having an Assistant. Feel very important - which of course I am anyway - and don't have to leave as many pee-mails as before. Sonny's pp-ing the vital ones...
One thing Sonny isn't yet good at is squirrel stalking. It'll come. This morning was glorious, with a capital GLORY! Weather was great and there were plenty of bushy-tailed critters down at ground level gathering nuts. Think I might take some nuts with me tomorrow...

Sonny - my new Assistant

I decided against forcing my new Assistant to be called Beau-whatsit after Sonny (said new Assistant) came up with a Not Bad Suggestion regarding what's happened to FP's voice.
Sonny's theory is that, like Kong Wubba, some enemy has punctured FP and now she can't make the same kind of noise as she used to.
Inspired.
Now I know exactly what we need to do; puncture repair kit from the local bike shop! We're off there right this moment...

Naughty

I've been naughty. I'm in the dog house (or at least I am keeping to my room).
I'm sorry, okay. Please love me again!

Rain, rain, rain - I love it!

I'm worn out but extremely happy. This morning our walk was conducted in pouring rain which meant there were puddles a-plenty, hardly any other people around and a good game of Towel afterwards.
Puddles are good for 2 main reasons:

1. I can drop Tugger (new) in them
2. I can drink from them

Admittedly both these activities mean I get moaned at from both ST and FP but I can live with that and, besides, FP still has no voice so she couldn't actually order me out the puddles I was drinking. ST still grumbled about not having wellies on when he had to drag a soaked Tugger (new) from the middle of the biggest puddle on the top terrace but I just think he does it for form's sake these days.

Reasons to bark

Barking is a serious thing and for some dogs it's a problem too.

I tend to bark when I'm in the park - there's nothing better than being launched from the back seat and letting the whole world know that "I'm in the park! I'm going to play with Tugger (new) and roll on my back!"

Yes, barking is a way of expressing the joy of just being a collie.

It's also a way of letting certain categories of humans know exactly where they stand:

1. Postmen & couriers: an age-old favourite for cartoonists. They can be barked at safely (in most circumstances) because with a perfectly secure door between 'us' and 'them', no-one's hurt in these exchanges
2. Leaflet droppers: scum, generally, IMO. Useless rubbish scattered all over the floor. These people are a worthless bunch who ignore signage telling them to "beware of dog" & "close the gate" so pretty much deserve everything they get and if that's a good barking at, then c'est la vie!
3. Loiterers: anyone pausing and showing unnecessary interest in the pack's property is always worth barking at to make the point that there are consequences to trespass
4. People in the park (including other dog owners): if they stop ST &/or FP during MY walk, then, yes, I am going to bark. It's MY walk, not yours!
5. Our next door neighbours: I used to live next door to this chap who wore a fluorescent yellow vest. Current neighbours don't do this (TG) but still I just have to pass a comment or two on what they are wearing. I'm not criticising, no. I'm actually rather fond of them and am hoping they will come and spend the evening with us soon. Plus, a while ago I was trying to tell them that there
   was a squirrel in their roof
6. FP’s brother: just because, you know.

Well, those are my categories. Random I’ll grant you but in part it’s a tradition and in part it’s just my way of communicating.

Ex-police dogs

I haven't had time to leave a message on the fence post down the road as normal so I'm hoping the ex-police dogs will pick up this message here...
- the crows are only on the squirrels' side in one area of the park. I tried stalking by the pond again today and the same thing happened as before: I was dive-bombed by a crow. This means that we may be able to distract the Pond Crows by enlisting the crows in other areas of the park. Or maybe the noisy parakeets. Or the magpies.

Anyway that's all, I've got to get back to watching out for that spider.

Silence is golden

FP and I are developing a kind of sign language so that we can manage the Spider Under the Sofa situation. I tested how silent FP is by running off down the street earlier and she couldn't utter even a squeak, so I came back because I felt sorry for her and her silent scream facial expression. I'm talking about a full-blown Munch-style horror-struck face, you know.
Our communication starts with a whistle which is my cue to leave my usual post by the window and get into the study PDQ. FP points, I do a sort of 'thumbs up' equivalent with my ears and then carry out a recce of the sofa area. We're hoping to eventually trap the spider so that we can remove it to ST's room where he can live with the horrible knowledge that it's behind him for a while.

No sign of our 8-legged visitor

It's still under the sofa in the study. Occasionally we can hear a sort of muttering so presumably the thing with the Dyson Animal is still an issue.
After yesterday's all-action squirrel stalk today in the park was very quiet. ST was telling FP that he thinks my heart wasn't in it today - but to be honest he's taking the chance to voice all sorts of controversial opinions since she can't answer back (voiceless still).

Busy again

You see, this is how important I am:

1. FP's voice has gone so she needs me to tell ST that the spider he did nothing about last night when it was a sitting duck on the stairs is now under the sofa in the study and watching her every move having evaded capture with the Dyson Animal. It could be in a bad temper over this attempt on its life...
2. The observant and interested amongst you will have read the comment left on my last blog by none other than Princess Leia herself! I've consulted said Manual and respectfully direct HRH to Appendix 9 of the 2007 version which includes a section on "Dealing with Organised Crime". Here it is clearly stated that: a Polite Canine Dog may learn certain Skills usually associated with more Annoying creatures (such as cats and squirrels) if it is for the Greater Good. I am honoured to have been asked to learn the Skill of tree climbing for the Greater Good of the struggle against the organised squirrel hordes.

I could have done with the ex-police dogs coming up with a plan to deal with the crows a bit sooner than they're managing though. This morning in the park I was hassled terribly whilst trying to stalk up on 2 squirrels whose mugshots have been circulated owing to their high position in the Squirrel Army. Needless to say I had to abandon the stalk. Luckily earlier I had intercepted a Messenger Squirrel. I wrestled dogfully with the bushy-tailed critter and now have the canister in which is contained the vital information he was carrying. It's made of the Shells of Conkers so I'm going to have to be careful about opening it up. Good job I'm a collie, really. I once disarmed a magnetic cat flap lock without so much as splitting a claw so this'll be a piece of cake. Cake...

Royalty

Ha ha! It seems that Princess Leia is back in the Blogosphere - surely this is a turning point in the struggle against the squirrel take-over?
My bed has been returned to its rightful place in the living room finally after a very long week during which I have tried hard to supervise many and several disruptive activities, including drilling, hoovering and painting. The Woodcraft One (who always seems to be gone before FP gets home) has been a scamp and hidden 3 of my rugby balls in FP's boots, which I actually think is hilarious and I've left them there just to see what happens.
Looking forward to tomorrow in the park as I feel certain that there will be news from the ex-police dogs about how to proceed against the crows, if not the squirrels.

Crows

Now the crows are on My List. This morning I was stalking a squirrel, slowly, slowly and suddenly I noticed a crow sneaking up on ME! As soon as I spotted it, it leaped into the air and swooped on me. Swooped!

Clearly the squirrels have cut a deal with the crows - maybe they've offered them extra space in trees to build nests or something. Whatever the bargain is between the two parties it spells more trouble for those of us engaged in the on-going struggle against the squirrel plans to take over London because now they have air superiority.

I have left a pee-mail for the Leggy Dalmatian and the ex-police dogs against a fence post just down the road. It's one ear-marked for urgent messages only so I hope to hear from them soon.

On a brighter note, the interviews for the post of My Assistant have been set for next Tuesday and there are many applicants. Mostly black and white border collies, both long and short-haired. I've said "thanks but no thanks" to all those who specialise in close-quarter tracking behaviours as I know only too well how easy it is to fall head over heels because there's a collie just behind you the whole time. Part of the interview process will include resisting running off with MY TOY. Anyone showing even the tiniest weakness for Tugger (new) will be shown the door. Also, My Assistant will have to agree to a name change as I wish to be assisted by a dog named Beau-Hannan in honour of Chicken Brown's faithful side-kick who was shot by an evil Turkey. Or was it a fox? I'll have to check...

Who'd have thought?

I have to suspect ST of puncturing Kong Wubba because he's just tried to suggest that FP could have done it. Shocking. I'm shocked.
FP is a kindly, generous and loving owner who takes care of me as if I were the most precious thing in her life. Why would FP lavish such care on me and then puncture one of the greatest toys there ever was? Why? It makes no sense.
ST is now on My List and I'm investigating him as well as all the squirrels and local cats. My list of jobs is getting towards the point when I need an assistant. I shall advertise in the park for another collie. Or maybe a terrier.

Single squeak only

It appears that some ENEMY has partly punctured Kong Wubba and it WASN'T ME!
Well, it could have been me because I do tend to chew Kong Wubba whenever I see ST or FP on the phone so that they can only have short conversations owing to all the noise caused by the double-squeak mechanism.
But I still think that some enemy has come in here and badly damaged MY TOY.
There is no shortage of suspects:

1. the frogs
2. the cats
3. the squirrels

I will be conducting yet another investigation but in the meantime I can confirm that Kong is down to a single-squeak and is (IMO) less of a toy. Sigh.

Oh No!

Breathe in...try not to panic...
I. Think. Something. Has. Happened. To. Kong. Wubba.
The squeak mechanism seems to be broken.
WHY? WHY?

All my hard work!

Ruined! ST & FP have moved everything about and messed up all the hard work I did the other day when I was checking for dead frogs (see earlier blog post). Well, if they think I'm doing it all again...

Instead I have retreated to my room to keep an eye on the garden. I had a particularly interesting battle of wills with a squirrel in the park this morning and I suspect strongly that my part in the counter-plot against them is known; I may be a target now and if they can take FP and hold her for a week, then certainly I must be cautious.

Lots of people were running and riding bikes in the park (maybe some sort of training day for other collies) so we had to use another entrance. I did my usual thing of launching straight out of the back seat and belting to the nearest stretch of grass, barking the whole time to let everyone know I'd arrived. FP followed with Tugger (new) and things seemed just as they always do. Except that I reached the Ridge a lot sooner than normal and clearly the squirrels weren't prepared.

There were several on the ground burying nuts which were being knocked from the branches above by other squirrels. Then, suddenly, one of the squirrels froze on its way to a tree and turned towards me.

Now I froze too, the rule being that one does not make a single movement whilst a squirrel is facing one. This impasse lasted for several minutes - an intriguing battle of wills between two determined foes which attracted a good deal of amused interest from passing humans. I know it was having trouble working out for sure that I was actually a dog and not a bush or a park bench because I was in full Stealth Mode, scarcely breathing and standing on 3 legs for way longer than most dogs can manage. My cover was only blown because other squirrels started closing in around me and, like I say, if they can take and hold FP it's worth being careful. Once I'd moved my head to check out the danger all around me, the squirrel I'd been stalking hissed:

"You again!" and sprang half way up the nearest tree.

So now I must be wary. Possibly some local cats have let on that I've been passing on intelligence regarding the squirrels' activities. I knew we couldn't trust the cats!

Untrustworthy: a cat

Thorough

I've been all over the house and there are no more frog bodies. Phew, what a relief.

My muscle strain has cleared up nicely after a day spent lounging by the window in my room, willing myself to be still in the face of extreme provocation by a ginger cat sitting on the fence.

What would have been funny though was seeing the Big Fat Squirrel coming along and the two of them falling off the fence during a chase! Makes me laugh just imagining it happening! Ha ha ha...

I think I've pulled a muscle

Sharp intake of breath! I was doing Long Legs earlier (see last blog but two for description of Long Legs) and I think I pulled something which could mean I can't stalk squirrels in the park tomorrow.

As if I didn't have enough on my mind!

Here I am trying to make sure FP's not forgotten the snack routine whilst she's been away and now I've got another thing to worry about!
It seems the police raid on the frogs after their hoax ransom note has left a lasting impression - and not a good one. This morning we've discovered a dead frog body INSIDE THE HOUSE! Clearly this is a warning to us.

FP's back!

Whoo-hoo! And she brought some rabbit & turkey flavoured food. I'm glad she's back but I don't think I want her to go off in search of rabbit & turkey flavour if it takes a week...I'll suggest she uses the Internet next time, because it's quicker.
I' must go and make sure she's still on the sofa.

Long legs

One thing I love is rolling onto my back and stretching my legs so that I can take up more room. It's a great technique for winning the entire sofa or bed for yourself and I recommend it to you all.

Arrests

12 frogs have been arrested and several others detained for questioning regarding the hoax ransom note. For about half an hour the street was clogged with police vehicles while they tried to secure their hopping mad prisoners in handcuffs.
All this is an unwelcome distraction from the main issue: where is FP and what can we do to recover her?

I haven't really got time for constant blogging...

...but it's important you all know the latest.
I searched everywhere in the garden and noticed that 2 more bushes are gone (?), I'd forgotten to dig up a jumbone from months ago and THAT was NOT pleasant but also I found a ransom note for the return of FP which I think is a hoax because it signed "From the Frogs".
We had a problem with the frogs a while ago when we filled in a pond and loads of them died diving into a mere puddle when what they remembered was a deepish pond with weed and a newt-in-residence. You can imagine the piles of bodies, I'm sure.
Anyway, the truth is that some days you can still hear the frogs protesting in the undergrowth around the new patio flags but we do our best to ignore them. Now it appears they are trying to extort a new, deeper pond out of us by pretending to be holding FP hostage under a bridge. I ask you.
I've already passed on this hoax note to the ex-police dogs and am expecting a raid on the frogs soonest.

Trouble

FP's disappeared. This is serious because I suspect she's been taken by the squirrels. I have to investigate...
In the meantime I'm making sure that ST realises how serious the situation is by waking him up at night. You never know, I might just get lucky and find FP by the back fence at 3am.
Sigh, it's hard without FP here: I worry constantly that ST will neglect the important snack regime and food times. I must keep a careful eye on him.

Eau de Fox

I had it all planned. I stumbled across some fox doot in the park and knew instantly that it was perfect for me and the weather conditions (mizzling rain was forecast which is essential for activating Eau de Fox). I looked around to make sure ST and FP were distracted; they weren't but I have been training them recently to suspect nothing whenever I roll on the grass. They just think that I'm hot and trying to cool down. I smiled reassuringly at them and rolled extravagantly in my doot, realising too late that FP had come over to check out my activities. Damn but she's a wily one!
Immediately they discussed putting me in the bath as soon as we got home and I think it was only the arrival of Murphy the tugger-pinching boxer that made them forget.
My plan was progressing smoothly as the mizzle was not due until the evening when I normally hassle ST into opening the door for me at irregular intervals, regardless of the weather. Sometimes all I do is sniff the air from the doorway. Other times I go belting up the garden and smash into the fence, make my paws really muddy and then try to make it all the way up the stairs without being attacked with a towel.
Suddenly, part way through the day, I noticed that ST and FP were talking about going out - and they weren't taking me with them!
"Curses!", I thought, "If ST's out then I can't be because there's no-one to open the door!" My plans were in ruins.
And then I thought, "Hang on, I can wait until they get back and then go out in the mizzle to activate the doot smell on my fur and then I can transfer the scent of Eau de Fox on their going out clothes and scupper all future plans to go off and do stuff without me!" I'll ask you now to imagine a slightly deranged grin on my face as I chuckled quietly under my breath.
Needless to say that these innovations to my original plan worked perfectly and there'll be no more gallivanting for those two until the dry cleaning is done!

It's all gone so quiet

I'm waiting for a Bjork moment to liven me up.

Fiddling about

Well, you can tell autumn's coming by the fact that ST is flatly, utterly and absolutely refusing to leave the door open for me. I now have (HAVE) to remember to wait for him to open the door for me when I pile through the house at top speed, or I will crash and probably end up with a Noodle Ache. And (AND) I have to wait even if I have just seen 12 foxes pooing in my back garden and even if I have just seen the squirrel hordes cresting the top of the far off hills en route to rout us from our beds and even if I have just seen JipDoodle from across the way using his next-door neighbour's cat flap to gain entry to their house so he can smash up their dustbin and lay the blame on their cat! People will ask themselves "Where's that collie who normally barks orders to us?" and then they'll make it up as they go along and there'll be stuff all over the place...I hate the autumn.

Actually I quite like it. Apart from the closed door thing, of course. Autumn for me means more puddles in the park to drop Tugger (new) in; more things to sniff (because, let's face it, a branch lying on the ground which wasn't there the day before IS incredibly interesting); piles of leaves created by park rangers with those blower thingys need redistributing back to a scattered position. I'm slightly teasing you though because of course the best thing about autumn is that it heralds the start of the Squirrel Season proper, as they are forced to ground in search of nuts! It was like a squirrel playground in the park this morning as they practice synchronised tree climbing/descending. All I need to do is make sure I take careful notice of which trees are producing the most enticing squirrel food and they'll be like fish in a barrel (rubs paws in anticipation and grins :) )

Puppies

I find puppies confusing. They are very bouncy, elbow-y and bits of them seem to always be escaping and getting behind you. Just keeping them in sight is a job and a half most of the time. I am much taller than puppies so it was a surprise this morning to find myself eye-ball-to-eye-ball with a sprightly Hungarian Viszler type of puppy. It was a moment or two before I realised it was standing on its hind legs and had me in a sort of bear-hug.

And then it was gone! Off down the path with legs flying out at all angles. I only remembered to growl when it was out of earshot, so it will never know until I see it again that I'M THE BOSS! Collies are always (ALWAYS) in charge! I refer people who doubt this to several episodes of 'Dog Borstal' and 'The Dog Whisperer' (although, strictly speaking, I disapprove strongly of both programmes) where experienced dog trainers freely and openly admit that they do not choose to live with collies because we (collies) are much more intelligent than them (dog trainers).

It's just as well that ST & FP understand about the collie-in-charge (CinC) thing. For instance, at lunchtime today FP stepped out of the loft straight into my rarely used upstairs bed and nearly broke an ankle on a jumbone I stashed there last Christmas. Now, putting aside the questions of why on earth the loft entrance is a foot and a half up a wall and why my rarely used upstairs bed is in the blessed way, what happened next illustrates perfectly the balance we have achieved as a pack:

there was no shrieking and writhing around in pain over the injured ankle but rather the focus fell on replacing the rock-hard, inedible 9 month old jumbone with a brand new one!

Yes, people, I think you'll agree that I rule and it seems to suit both ST & FP.

I bid you good day.

Chalk that one up to ME!

I've made a break through; yesterday in the park I managed to interrogate a squirrel about their plans for the take over of London. I had to chase the bushy-tailed critter half way across the park before I cornered it near a headless statue. As we were running a half-eaten snickers bar fell out of its grasp (I must find that Welsh bloke and give it back to him).

Now, I'm not a ruthless collie so I let the squirrel go after I'd got all the information I needed and I've passed on what I learned in a series of pee-mails. Eventually the leggy dalmatian will hear the news and the ex-police dogs will go to work.

Later on yesterday evening I snuggled up on the sofa where ST usually sits when he's watching TV and did some Paw Licking. In my opinion Paw Licking is one the best ways to spend your time. Paws pick up all sorts of smells as you go through the day and licking them activates the aromas. All people should note: don't disturb a dog when it's licking its paws. And don't kick them off your sofa either even if you had been sitting there just a moment ago. When you got up off the sofa and left the room you gave up all rights to that space.

Dropping off - yeah!

Thank goodness! This post - my 51st - means that the awful grimace/smile is gone from the front page. Phew! I'm still working on my smile and I make FP take lots of photos of me each evening.

I'd like to send a big "Hello" to Hungary this evening as I have some fans there! Imagine; NunuThunder goes global! I like the sound of that...Anyway, waving vigorously to Aliz, Ella and Klara! When you come to visit I can show you all how to stalk squirrels!

I am thinking of writing a proper manual for stalking because I see so many dogs in the park getting the whole shebang wrong by running madly at the squirrels. They can see you coming, dummies! Slow down, enter stealth-mode and be cool.

I have heard that some "bushy-tailed critters" have become so brazen that they've wrestled snickers bars from unsuspecting Welshmen, you know! What with thefts I've recorded so far running to chocolate bars, socks, tights and other 'personals' it's a wonder to me that there aren't more of us working to bring down squirrels.

Mojo

Since I lost Tugger I haven't been feeling the same about playing with toys in the house. I can manage pretty well in the park because it's just so much fun! But at home I grow sad thinking about my soaked toy floating around the Norfolk coast - gasp! maybe even sinking!

You can see how it would affect a sensitive dog like me, can't you?

For a while earlier on though I shook off the malaise and went a bit mental with a tennis ball. Both ST & FP got involved and we all laughed and ran crazily through the house. It was good.

So Close!

Amazing! This morning in the park there was a Stupid Squirrel and I nearly managed to catch it!

It was there, munching on a nut and then I came along, minding my own business. I spotted it, it spotted me and the chase was on.

Where it started there were loads of trees and I thought it would head straight back up one but NO! It ran off to where there were no trees for about 40 metres and I was gaining, gaining, gaining and then I was right up behind it and it changed direction, jinking left, right, left again and so on. I thought: "This is it!" as I matched it for manoeuvrability but all of a sudden it was close enough to a tree and gone.

It sat on a branch panting with it hands on its knees and, you know, I think there was a little smile on its face because it knew how close I'd been. I tried pushing the tree with my front paws and barked for a bit but it really was time to come home.

I enjoyed my regular jumbone when we arrived back and felt more than usually pleased with life.

In the way

Well, you tell me, people; is lying (not, repeat NOT sprawled) under a work desk IN THE WAY? I am there because it's easier to supervise things when you're close by. It's me under the desk or Big Brother style surveillance cameras.
I've been thinking about dairy-free diets and, IMO, they're not much fun. Or perhaps fun is the wrong way of putting it. They are a challenge, like a three-legged piddle on a windy day in the park.
Quiz time! I'm off to prove how intelligent I am...

They should have put me on 4th leg

I wouldn't drop a baton! You see, it's all about getting a good grip and hanging on. Simple, lots of dogs in the park can do that.

Not all dogs in the park can get the hang of stalking squirrels though. They haven't the patience. It's all sprinting and heavy breathing, whereas I take my time, approach only when the squirrel is not looking at me and freeze like a statue when it is looking at me.

Sometimes, when a squirrel has been looking at me for a long time, I realise that it thinks I am not a threat so I move even slower than when it wasn't looking at all and it is entirely fooled! Maybe it thinks I am a bush being blown in a gentle breeze - who knows what stupid things a squirrel thinks whilst munching on a nut.

BTW, I've been practising my winning smile - what d'you think of this one?

"Cheese!"

Anti-squirrel Meeting, late night, somewhere local

Hello, it's me.

I've been to a meeting with the other neighbourhood dogs and we've got a plan finally but I can't tell you what it is in case the squirrels find out and scupper it. Sorry.

Apart from the various things I will be doing in connection with what I cannot tell you about here (but will sometime soon) I also have a New Project which is to work on my Toothy Grin. I feel like I need to develop a broad grin which doesn't make you feel like I could take you down at any second.

Oh! I can hear ST is on the phone, so I must grab Kong Wubba and make as much noise as possible...

Usain Bolt? You mean NunuThunder Bolt!!

Ha ha! You think that other bloke's fast, do ya? You should see me go now that I've made FP chop down half the garden! Seriously, I think I can make it to the back fence in less than 9.69 secs with a clear path.
It wasn't easy though and I daresay that FP's going to have a sore back for most of the week, plus, both FP and ST might well start searching for the 2 rugs I've had to remove (again) from the hallway but they slow me down with cartoon/comedy mid-air running that I cannot afford if I am to break my own records for reaching the back fence before the foxes/squirrels/cats escape.
There's been some action on the squirrel front: other next neighbours discovered a massive fatso squirrel's been living in their loft for ages, building a nest out of socks and tights, if you please! Now all of you who've ever asked yourself where on earth all your socks disappear to will have to consider that a big fat squirrel's been nicking them out of the laundry and living a life of luxury in your attic!
I watched in horror as this recently evicted Fatso Squirrel tried to walk along the fence yesterday - boy did he wobble a lot! I was transfixed by the prospect of him losing his balance and falling so I didn't actually remember to zoom outside and ensure he fell by piling into the fence - damnit!

Photogenic

Oh, man! ST called out: "Smile!" and this is what I looked like! I'm never smiling again.

Still finding it hard

Squirrels seem so unimportant now that Tugger's gone...But I know that dear old Tug wouldn't want me to abandon my struggle against the critters who've inhabited the Neighbour's roof-space. So I'm redoubling my efforts for Tugger. Sigh.

The cranky Dalmatian who's decided to organise the local dogs has called a meeting for next week and we all have to take our evidence along so that it can be assessed by some ex-police dogs. They'll sketch out some action plans on the basis of what we can tell them and we'll formulate our longer term strategy together, so if you hear a lot of barking next week it's us lot and we're doing it for you, so don't complain.

Gosh, you see how touchy I am? I used to be such a happy-go-lucky kind of dog. Toys mean a lot to dogs, you know and we can be badly affected by their loss when it's as sudden as me losing Tugger at the weekend. As I've told you before I do take careful notes of routes when FP & ST take me off somewhere in the car so that I can find my way home should they inadvertently leave me behind. I could (not saying I will yet) head back to Norfolk with some leaflets and drum up some interest in a full-scale search...Hmmmm, I'll give it some thought.

Meanwhile the meeting next week will help distract me. That and some treats; where's FP? I'll go and do sad face at her.

Tugger; I'll never EVER forget you!

Something terrible has happened. Park Tugger (Tugger, for short) was swept out to sea and lost yesterday. Sigh.

I was on a beach playing with ST & FP, doing my usual thing of running after Tugger, catching it off one bounce and then legging it into the sea where I drop Tugger just deep enough to get wet but not so deep that ST or FP would get soaked retrieving it.

Except that this one time I went too far. Or, actually, the tide had gone out farther than I thought and so I was lured deeper than usual and with the breeze being out to sea and a bit stiff...Well, Tugger in no time was beyond the shelf and floating jerkily away from me.

I sent in ST (he's taller than FP and tends not to shriek) but Tugger was already deeper than ST's shorts. I tried giving him my hardest "Strip off and get Tugger!" stare but he muttered something about dog-owners suffering heart failure whilst attempting daring rescues at sea, blah, blah, blah.

All the while Tugger was floating further and further away. FP took a photo (see above). It was sad to see Tugger going and I like to think that somewhere along the Norfolk coastline someone will find Tugger and post a message on this blog letting me know so that I can pop over and be reunited with what was undoubtedly the best ever Tugger.

In the meantime, I have still got Very Old Tugger (ripped), House Tugger (okay) and 2 new, completely unused Tuggers in the cupboard. Also Kong Wubba made it home safely (sandy but safely) and I did a quick check when we arrived home and all the rugby balls are fine. Phew.
FP took a photo just before the tragic floating off incident which, to my mind, captures the quintessential Tugger-ness of Park Tugger. A top toy.

Essentials

I have to decide what essentials I need to bring with me on a mini-break. Hmmm, tricky. Food, obviously, can't do without food. Treats. Can't do without treats. Now, should I count bonios and jumbones as treats? Because really I consider them 'medicinal', like a glass of wine at 6pm, yes, practically as essential as the rest of my ordinary food. Hmmm. Toys? Golly, choosing between my toys! Toughie but I'd have to say Kong Wubba for indoors and Park Tugger for outdoors. I'll miss all my rugby balls but they'll understand. Here's a photo of me with my oldest rugby ball "England", when it was still new (nunu, geddit?! S'funny...).

Wow, heavy bag. Still I don't have to carry it.Right early night, people!

More rain

In the park they've put an end to dogs going in the pond because of the 'wild life'. Never looked that wild to me; mostly it was a heron standing on the stage telling filthy jokes to the coots who only ever politely chuckled (they never understood the heron).

FP's had a "crappy week". Think that means it hasn't been good and deffo not the kind of thing that would have been easily picked up in a little poo bag. If my understanding is correct (and I think I'm not far off), this week would have been a runny mess.

Speaking of runny messes (!) I was in a right pickle last night with the thunder. Depsite my name, I am a total coward in a storm and only managed to keep it together by gathering my pack into the study and listening to classical music for a couple of hours. ST & FP are reasonable about having their lives disrupted in this manner and know that they should ignore the advice on that website they consulted which states that they should not pet me, nor try to make me feel better during stormy weather. They absolutely should pet me, brush me and give me treats (especially cheese) at all times. Even though I appear to be out of my head during a storm I am still keeping track of treat-giving.

Remember people: keep out of the pond!

The only safe place

Help me! I'm terrified.
It's thundery and I've moved everyone I can find into the study.

Here's Harry

Harry

AKA 'Dirty Harry' (inevitably) or 'little bleep-bleep'.

On the day this photo was taken it was so hot we couldn't even be bothered to roll on the grass.

Imagine me cloned!

Did everyone see the story about the cloned puppies?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7542338.stm

I'd like everyone to take a little time to think of me running about with lots of little mes! That'd put a stop to the wretched squirrels!

Time for a few hellos:

Hello Phil, Tom (even though we suspect you took the puree), Coco and Harry.

Harry is a Border and quite a handsome fella if you go for lowered brows and stumpy tails.

Ziggy

Well it was lucky all my food turned up today, is all I can say.
Ziggy beat me up in the park this morning and all anyone could say was I deserved it! I like Zig, actually, he's pretty cool but I'd say he had had a hard time already what with always having competition for his tennis ball. I was only saying that he should get a tugger like mine and Bang! he flattened me!
I blame the hot weather (and smaller dogs for being so yippy).
I didn't get a chance to chew the post up today nor even bark at the Postie. Ended up convinced that the whole day would be a wash out when my latest batch of food turned up and I was able to sit and watch FP stack it up in the (my) cupboard. Sigh, things turned out alright in the end.

Chicken cooking, raining outside...

I had to take precautions earlier as FP & ST seemed to be removing a great deal of stuff from the house, putting it in the car and they didn't seem to be including anything of mine. Always a worry to see things being removed to cars with not so much as a by-your-leave.
So, I made sure that Kong Wubba, Tugger, all my rugby balls, my bed and food were safe in one place then went and hung around by the garden gate.
Owing to the lavender this loitering by the gate caused FP & ST to notice me a lot as it trapped them in the 'valley of bees' (as it has become known). The strong risk of being stung seems to bother them but I HAD to be in the way in case they were thinking of leaving.
Turns out my paranoia was unfounded; they were just getting rid of some old junk. Phew.
I broke off a tomato plant yesterday and FP re-potted it. Against its 6 foot neighbours this 'cutting' is a puny looking thing and I daresay that one more battering with the tail and it will not survive. I'll keep this in mind for when ST annoys me in the week by standing around chatting when he's meant to be throwing tugger in the park.

Weekend

I thought it would never get here! Excellent.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to resist getting up early with FP and just see if I can't wangle the diagonal on the bed, stretch out and snooze 'til 9-ish.

Then, later on after the walk, I will look imploringly at both FP and ST until they share the bacon sarnies with me. By opening my eyes really wide, hitching my ears to the fullest and sucking in my cheeks a bit I can pull the 'famine dog' expression to perfection (never fails to move FP).

Then, even more later than that, I shall clear the garden of all uninvited guests and go to sleep on the lawn.

Tops.

Muggy

Oh, all day it's been so muggy! I've got this lovely great fur coat and it's just too much; I wish we were at the seaside! I'd be in like a shot.

Actually, I say that but I'm not too sure about the sea as it runs back at you when you're trying to only (ONLY) get your paws wet (which is a big concern when you know that you rolled in some decent fox doot and don't want to wash it off). Plus, it tastes odd.

I became unwell once from drinking too much sea water - a warning to all you dogs out there who're thinking about trying to drink the sea. Poorly tummy and a trip to the Scottish Vet.

Note: not all vets are Scottish

Despite my name on this blog, I'm not a big fan of thunder and tend to become distracted and nervy when it's in the air. The fact that I am still able to blog means that there is no break imminent in this muggy weather. If thunder were in the air, well, let's just say that I'd be sitting in the bath tub because it's safe in there...

Cricket

I've been listening to the cricket...Not so good, really.
You'd think I'd have something better to do with my time but today's been so hot that I just flaked in front of the radio and let the news wash over me. Must be tough on cricketers and I can see how they'd lose focus in the heat. I must talk to ST about going out earlier for our walk (it's his as much as mine, although I am in charge once we're in the park). I feel like I could target more squirrels if it weren't for feeling so sluggish in the warmth.
On the up side, I have a bonio buried in the garden and later on I'll dig it up and eat it in the evening's cool. Yes.

Good owners

FP did notice and my food is coming. Tops! Plus, I had some really good Kong Wubba-ing with ST last evening - they are Good Owners.
I have heard on the grapevine (although grapes are bad for dogs) that there will be a meeting soon of all neighbourhood dogs re the squirrels. There's a leggy Dalmatian organising the whole thing and I'm to keep up my surveillance activities and bring what I have to report to the meeting. It's good to know that we're all working together on this. The neighbours have apparently been driven from their home and I'd like to think we will have forced the squirrels out by the time they return.

Running low!

I hope FP's noticed that I have only 6 days food supply left in the cupboard

A few tips

Finally my contact showed up and I was able to come indoors and get some kip.

Some of you might need some tips for helping in the fight against squirrels living in roof spaces:

• Always know who's behind you by checking in a casual, non-obvious manner (see photo of me looking nonchalant)


• Fit listening devices in flowers (see photo of 'daisies')


• Try to look like you are not doing anything suspicious by just slightly closing your eyes (see photo of me in zen-like trance on a step - wasn't I just meant to be there doing that?)


• Work out where all the best hiding places are in your garden, then pee on them to make them yours (no photo)

Cheers.