Sofa

AS is on the sofa. A couple of times she has attempted to occupy FP's seat but FP has taken a stand about this and moved her to ST's seat. FP's smart like that.

It is of the hotness

AS and I are finding this Heat Wave tough going. For example, I like to chill out on the lawn* when I'm not chilling out in the house however it's bloody boiling at the top of the garden and I feel like my brain's on fire by the time I drag myself indoors.

AS does no better than me but she likes to hide out amongst the bushes so by the time she's dragging fried brain indoors she's gone a sort of greyish colour and is covered in dust.

Both of us are drinking a lot more water than usual but AS dribbles so the kitchen floor's nearly always covered in water. This dribbling thing puts a tick in both the 'pro' and the 'con' column for AS visits as far as I'm concerned. It's too hot for me to spend any effort deciding whether it's more pro than con though.

We're walking earlier in the park but it's still too warm for us to do much. I've barked at hardly anyone since the Heat Wave began** and AS has attempted her special Boneless Protest*** a number of times only to be hauled back onto her paws and taken to a shady area.

I'd give anything for an ice lolly right now.

*I say lawn but it's more like a piece of scrub land thanks to the fact that I pee on it daily

**The Heat Wave began a lot longer ago in dog time, remember that

***AS's Boneless Protests amount to her flopping down in a heap, as if crushed by an anvil which is then lifted to reveal the devastated body of a dog. Often one skinny little leg is poking out from underneath her body at a queer angle. It's quite funny to see her in action but it never achieves her aim of being carried about the rest of the walk.

Agent Slim is here

AS is with us for a holiday. I say 'with us' but really she's just on the sofa asleep. 

I took all the usual precautions for her arrival:

1. hid all my best toys
2. ate all my best snacks
3. dug a small hole by the fence.

In other news, we're half way through our book!

More book

We're still reading the book I told you about last time and apparently dogs have magical powers...

Dogs don't really have magical powers but we are quite smart and can sniff out good things when we need to.

Some good things I have sniffed out recently include roast lamb (Sundays are a wonderful time in this house) and FP's Kit Kat just when the heat was getting unbearable yesterday.

There was also a bit in our book about the kind of dogs you meet where you walk. We meet the same group of dogs and owners every day when we walk in our usual place. I don't like change so this is very satisfactory.

New book

We've started reading a new book. One of the early chapters includes a bit about naming a dog and it reminded me of a dog I knew in the park who was called Clawdius - hilarious!

Anyway, I mainly use code names for this blog and they're all inspired by personality traits as I get to know my park friends. Humans accompanying dogs in the park are frequently known only as X's Owner(s) as it's more controversial to give them code names based on things they do. In fact, if I'm being honest, most owners would be called Stops A Lot as they all stand about most of the time, failing to walk completely whilst they swap anecdotes and such. Boring stuff. I bark whenever ST & FP stop walking.

Bang

I heard a 'bang' last night. I was asleep in my bed and suddenly "BANG!" in the middle of the night. Of course I immediately figured the world was ending so I headed for the shower, which place is a guarantee of safety no matter what sort of danger is afoot.

When I woke up in the shower this morning it was before ST & FP were awake so there's no possible way they could have known that I went there without thinking to ensure their safety as well as my own.

Uncomfortable

I'm lying here with my head wedged against the corner of the desk and my back legs jammed against the sofa. I am by no means comfortable but I am not going to move.

AS was here

Agent Slim stayed over. I checked and then hid all my toys before she arrived but she still tried it on with ST and a kong wubba last evening. Honestly.
And she tore up my bed. My bed! Nothing's sacred.
She started on at me on our walk this morning but I actually quite enjoyed that, so she can do that again.
Yes.

Uh-oh

Things are really ticking FP off today, I can tell.

Muddy Puddle

I love Muddy Puddle and have devoted many hours to improving it and splashing about in it. 

Muddy Puddle is my own Work of Art that I have dedicated to the public.

However, I think the rain should stop now as Muddy Puddle is turning into Muddy Small Lake and I fear it will become Muddy Swamp.

So, rain: Stop Now Please. 

Thanks.

AS and the Art of Greeting Callers to the House

AS doesn't even live here but defends the front door like it was her own. When I'm over at her place I'm a lot cooler, often just appearing with a snarling expression at the window.
I've tried having a word and last night she promised me faithfully that she'd reign it in a bit, not go so crazy next time someone opened the garden gate.
Well, some faithful promise that turned out to be now that we're both banished to the upstairs!
And she's nicked my room!
She's awesome at nabbing biscuits though. I think she's part spider and nearly fearless when she starts climbing the shelves. Some of the things she's found up on the higher ones are amazing.

Jaffa Cakes v Maryland Cookies

After the missing Jaffa Cakes episode a few days back it has been noted that a mostly full packet of Maryland Cookies is on The Desk.
Technically dogs are not permitted to be on The Desk. At all. Not even for dog-related purposes*.
AS and I have been discussing whether the Maryland Cookies are a Test of how well we now understand the technical Rule mentioned above.
If it is a Test, I might pass as my hips ache a bit too much to make the effort to get on The Desk anyway but AS will certainly fail.
Bwahahahahahahaaaaa! AS is going down!
*Purposes = grooming self, being groomed by others, writing blog posts, sending e-mails and the like.

Agent Slim - the return of

Agent Slim (AS) is back. She's been here for a week and the following things have happened:

1. a new cleaning cloth has been designated for 'Dogs'. It's kept with my towels
2. Muddy Puddle has been filled in
3. a pile of fox poo was discovered
4. I was put in a bath and made to smell of 'tea tree oil'
5. a packet of jaffa cakes was stolen

I can hardly keep up!
Send help.

Rabbit

I have not blogged in ages! There's no good reason for this except that you must all have noticed that bloggers are inconstant, no?
Anyway, I thought I'd tell you about my recent adventure chasing a rabbit. 
There was me, the rabbit, a long stretch of flatness and then an 80 foot drop. I spotted the rabbit with my keen vision and some help from said rabbit (stood up on its hind legs, poked out its tongue and chanted "Nah nah nah" at me - not really). Once spotted I realised that this was a rabbit that required some chasing so I duly belted off after it and it disappeared into some bushes which turned out to disguise a massive drop down a steep slope.
I think we all learned a lesson from this episode.

Taking January Off

It's good to take a break every now and then, arrive back all raring to go etc...
Actually I'm planning an afternoon on the sofa rather than doing any raring. TBH, it's just a bit too cold for me to be really enthused about stuff. If I had a slanket, I reckon I'd be bundled up in it.

Foxes

I rarely set eyes on the foxes I know to be hiding in the bushes in the park but I can smell them a mile off. Given the number of thorns I pick up plunging about in the brambles searching for them, it would be nice to actually see one of these elusive beasts every now and then.

In other news, I have a very aching hip.

Advent-tageous

I don't have an advent calendar due to some neglect of FP's but if I did have one it would have my favorite snacks in each of the windows.

I'd like it to start with a pig's ear and I wouldn't mind to be fair if there was a pig's ear behind each and every window! However, for the sake of variety I will accept Bonios, Jumbones, gravy bones, Kit Kats, Kitty cats, squirrels, Toblerones, Markies, scraps of ham, anything FP's eating and anything ST thinks is good. This is not too much to ask.

Television

From my place on the sofa I have a good view of the television. The programmes ST & FP watch don't always make me laugh. And I don't like adverts much. Especially the ones where people 'play' glasses as musical instruments. It's a stupid thing to do.

There's also a ridiculous need apparently to discover the nation's favourite Abba song. I ask you!

I enjoy Poirot though. Yes, give me a 2 hour Poirot and I'm as happy as I can be, burdened as I am by early fireworks and what-not.

Ready Already Ongoing and Ongoing

For a few days now I have been using FP's dissertation folder as a pillow. Should I tell her I am ready to begin writing Chapter One, or just not get involved?

I notice that some of you have already started letting off fireworks. Why would you do this? And what (WHAT!) is the point in letting off one firework in the small hours of the morning? Surely the best thing about fireworks is enjoying a well-managed display with a large crowd? Don't even get me started on asking how much of a pillock one has to be to let off fireworks during daylight hours...

Puppies are still a problem for me in the park. Where do they get all their energy from?

I tried eating another jelly baby. Sticky. I put it in my bed.

Curious to see...

#cataloguingsongs
It ran out! Nevermind; worth knowing it runs out.